Be flexible on children’s career trajectories

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/06/2021 (1879 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to the letter signed “Where Did Our Good Boy Go?” That’s the son who told his disappointed parents he doesn’t want to go to university. (Miss L. suggested career tests and counselling, or that the son gets their support in exploring whatever jobs appeal.)

At the very least, tell him a gap year is a definite possibility. And know this, the worse the job they have during that gap year, the more likely they are to go to university afterwards. There’s only so much a parent can do.

I’ve also faced this issue and found it a bit devastating, as I come from a long history of well-educated people. When it became apparent that university was not for my very intelligent child, I determined it was important to find something that would at least allow some sort of an income.

To that end, I put my child through a program at a technical college, all the while saying that if they ever chose to go back to university, I would be there to help pay for it. This allowed them the opportunity to work for a period of time.

After a while, my kid realized that was in fact not what they wanted to be doing, and has now committed to a different profession and whatever schooling is required to make it happen.

— Mama, River Heights

Dear Mama: You were wise to back off. Some university-educated parents can’t see it any other way for their kids and have saved up to help them get through a many-year proposition — and one that’s not always available in their home province.

That’s a heavy pressure on the parents — and on a kid who doesn’t share their dreams about life direction. But it’s not money lost. If the kid rejects the idea, that money will come in handy down the road when if it becomes clear what they want to do, work-wise, and the kid may want to pay for some or all of the training needed.

A lot of kids at 17 simply need time off. School hasn’t been fun for many during COVID, especially these last semesters of schooling, often at home with no classmates or friends around.

It’s important to respect the fact that while your child inherited genes from you as parents, they are not just a combination of your brains and feelings, but a whole new entity with a range of influences.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: With regard to the heavy-smoking grandma who would like to visit (possibly babysit) the new grandchild, it’s a little more serious than making sure Grandma doesn’t smoke around the youngster.

While the effects of first-hand and second-hand smoke are commonly understood, less is understood about third-hand smoke, the fumes emitting from of clothing, walls and other objects.

Back in the mid-1970s I worked in an office that had one or two other supporters of the group GASP — Group Against Smoking in Public. At the time, we were not a very accepted group, but our efforts did pay off in the end.

— Former Gasper, Winnipeg

Dear Former Gasper: Thanks for this info about third-hand smoke. Times have changed for most people, and virtually all workplaces have become smoke-free and much healthier for it. Yet, this granny-of-concern is still puffing like a chimney and won’t be babysitting the new grand-baby alone by the sounds of things, and will only be getting visits at the baby’s smoke-free house. Can’t blame the protective parents for that!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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