Get to source of hurtful family gossip

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This article was published 31/08/2021 (1818 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My once close family is no more. When my son brought his fiancée home to meet his dad and me, we were happy for him and trusted in his judgment. We have always got along well and our little family was a quiet and trusting one.

After a time, I felt something was just not right with the bride-to-be. I couldn’t say why, other than she was very clingy. I kept quiet, as she was my son’s choice.

Fast forward to one year of marriage. My son, who has always been so thoughtful and kind, has now become cold and distant. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why.

Now I have found out the reason, completely by accident. My hairdresser was telling me about a customer whose daughter has married into a family where there is “abuse, drinking and horrible things.”

Just then, another customer came to the counter, and my hairdresser went over to take her payment. I waved at this customer. She didn’t wave back.

When my hairdresser came back, he said, “You know her?” I said, “Yes, she’s my daughter-in-law’s mother! I haven’t seen her once since the wedding.” His face went completely white, and he said, “That’s the women who told me the story of her daughter’s horrible new family.”

I started to shake. These stories are absolutely false! Why on earth would my son’s mother-in-law spread such malicious lies? I’m thinking her daughter must have told her these things! How do I approach my son with what my hairdresser told me?

— Completely Devastated, Winnipeg

Dear Devastated: Either the daughter or the mother-in law wants to cut your son out of your family. Unfortunately for them, malicious lying that slanders a person’s name is against the law. But first you have to try to find out what your son might have said to his wife and new in-laws — if anything!

Tell your son you need to talk to him alone at your home. To get him there, tell him you have some family news for him, and it’s urgent. You know his wife won’t come; that’s best. Then tell him word-for-word what your hairdresser was told by his new mother-in-law.

Ask him where these stories might have come from, and study his face. Tell him you intend to get to the bottom of this, by whatever means required, because your family’s good name is being slandered, and it’s already hit the gossip mill.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a baby who will not nap unless I’m also asleep. As long as there’s action in our little apartment, he’s awake, even if his eyes are drooping.

I need his sleeping time to clean up the place and make meals for my husband and me. He works long hours to support us. But if the baby stays awake until Daddy comes home, then he’s tired, cranky and crying, and hardly a joy for my husband. I don’t know what to do. We can’t afford babysitters.

— Wide-awake Baby Blues, Downtown

Dear Baby Blues: A neighbourhood nurse taught me something when I had a wakeful baby, and dark black circles around my eyes. She said: “You sleep when the baby sleeps. Cook ahead or cook at night if you have to, but get your rest along with the baby.”

Within two or three days I was matching the baby’s schedule, with some meals in the freezer or the fridge. I had some energy back to laugh and enjoy my wakeful little baby, who slept here and there, with me beside him. And he had smiles for his papa when he came home!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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