Serving jobs hard enough without harassment

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This article was published 10/10/2021 (1771 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m an attractive woman in my late 20s, and have been working in the restaurant and bar industry the last nine years. I needed money to put me through two degrees, and now I’m finished and starting my career. I want to say this about being a server in Winnipeg: They still get hassled almost every single shift in certain places that serve an older crowd.

I often had guys grab my arm, talk dirty, offer me money, proposition me in front of their friends and laugh at me when I was grossed out by them. Then they’d give me a terrible tip for not flirting back, some of them calling me a b***h and threatening to tell the manager I’m being rude. The list goes on.

Now I’m able to stop being hyper-alert at work and I enjoy my new job. I just want all the guys who have done this to serving staff before to know they will never have sex with their server! We will never go home with you! These men are often older, gross and clearly insane enough to behave like that — all the main traits of men I’d never sleep with.

My message to them is this: You are not the lead character in the story of planet Earth. Just sit down, eat your food and drink your drinks, and say please and thank you to the person waiting on you.

— Serving the Truth, Winnipeg

Dear Serving the Truth: It’s sad things haven’t changed in some Winnipeg establishments. Most management now require respectful behaviour toward their staff, and bad customers are cut off and made to leave.

Some older customers remember the “bad old days” when they could easily get away with harassing or flirting with servers.

These unenlightened patrons are thankfully aging out of the bar scene, but there are still too many on the way up who don’t seem to have gotten the message. Hopefully your message will get through to them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought an expensive black leather jacket this fall — my first one ever — and my wife is making fun of me for it, calling me a “biker wannabe.” I was always too shy to wear a leather jacket before, as I felt people would think it wasn’t “me” — a nerd — and I was pretending to be cool.

This may sound stupid and a bit juvenile, but buying this jacket meant a lot to me. Now she has made me have that awful feeling I felt so often as a child — embarrassment for who I am.

I suppose I should tell her, but she’s a strong woman and doesn’t take criticism well. Am I in over my head? Should I just toss the jacket to avoid more shame?

— Deeply Angry, South Winnipeg

Dear Angry: The person closest to you can wield the sharpest knife. Your wife no doubt knows something of your childhood shyness and insecurity. She should be happy for you, not scornful. She’s probably the one with the self-image problem now.

Ask her why she’s feeling the need to cut you down in such a nasty way. Say you’ll wait for her answer if she can’t think of it right away.

My guess? You can be sure it has something to do with aging, self-image and how she thinks she looks beside you. She may have been comfortable with looking like a plain, older, matched pair, but now you’re daring to step up. Her knee-jerk reaction? She put you down so you’d be cowed into shelving the new jacket. Do not bend!

You might even offer to buy her something beautiful in leather, like a vest which is flattering to any body shape, and can be found in many colours other than black. In the meantime, start wearing the jacket proudly when you out go alone — or with her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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