More thankful if mom doesn’t have a tankful

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This article was published 11/10/2021 (1818 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Thanksgiving is always difficult at our house because my mother inevitably gets drunk. She drinks wine out of fine crystal goblets and thinks it’s sophisticated, and that everybody else should do it, too! Her older sister, who is also an alcoholic, is happy to oblige.

My mom’s other two sisters don’t drink. Dinner is always late and those two who’ve been at the wine all afternoon couldn’t care less. I do, and other people get hungry, too.

I’m 18, and last year I cooked the turkey from a cookbook and it actually turned out. This year I’m doing the same and I phoned my three aunts and asked them all to bring something substantial. At least two of them will bring something other than booze.

The issue is not food. It’s that I’m tired of playing “mom” to my own mother. I can’t afford to move out but I don’t know how to handle my mother.

— Not Thankful for That, St. Norbert

Dear Not Thankful: Muddling along is difficult for you, especially at these big family occasions where suddenly you’re 18, and in charge. Dad is no help. Maybe next year one of the non-alcoholic aunties could host Thanksgiving, and you could offer to bring a dish.

You need expert help in dealing with your alcoholic mother (and her sister). Al-Anon, the organization of family and friends of alcoholics, has many techniques for handling the problems that crop up. They’ve learned from their own personal experiences with people they care about. Visit al-anon.org for more information.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I cheated on my boyfriend and I feel kind of justified. I cried after I got home from the “experiment” as I’m basically not a dishonest person. But I am so sex-starved with my guy.

He’s a fun person and everybody says I should hang onto him — good job, generous with money, kind and wants a family. But he is boring in bed — he’d rather watch TV.

I kind of suspect something else. One night when we were both drunk during COVID, he told me guys sometimes mistake him for being gay. I have occasionally noticed him looking too long at a hot guy and then glancing back at me, and ducking his head.

What are the chances he’s bisexual? I sure don’t get the feeling of heat from him; I just get maintenance sex about once a week and we are in our mid-20s. Should I stay or go?

— Waffling, Charleswood

Dear Waffling: You aren’t even married yet you’re already so bored with this “good catch” that you’ve cheated.

Never mind what your friends say! This guy may look good on paper, but as a husband and lover for you, he isn’t going to be the one.

Start trusting your own lukewarm feelings and say goodbye to him. Do you have to confess your cheating? Your conscience is bothering you, so that will probably need to be part of the breakup talk. But do you need to talk over your suspicions about his sexuality? Not so much.

You could bring up his lack of interest in sex and the fact you need a relationship with more fire, but it’s not necessary to guess about his sexual preferences, as they will no longer affect you — and you could be wrong.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a new neighbour in the twin apartment block to mine and he leaves his curtains wide open at all times. I would politely call him a home nudist.

I really don’t care what he does at home, except he isn’t private about it at night when people like me can see him from my block. I just don’t want to be checking him out ever again, so I now leave my curtains shut.

Actually, I really do want him to stop, so who should I approach?

— Unwilling Peeper, central Winnipeg

Dear Unwilling: If these twin blocks are handled by the same company, you could call the management group and ask for help with this. If they aren’t, you could try to go through your caretaker, who may know the person with the same job next door.

What you shouldn’t be doing is approaching this guy yourself. If he’s intentionally displaying himself to people on your side of the block after it gets dark, he’s may have a bit of an agenda. He may not realize what he’s doing, but I’d guess he does!

Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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