Delicately help diva daughter dial it back

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/11/2021 (1742 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My youngest daughter absolutely demands all the attention in the household, and there are two other kids who need me too. When my husband comes in the door and kisses me, she’ll say, “Why are you looking at him? Look at me, Mommy!”

How did this happen? My fault, I fear. Three months ago, she was a very sad kid. She told me she thought her brother and sister were getting all the attention because they’re older and more “inner-esting.”

I made the mistake of telling her that anytime she wants attention, she could just ask. She took it literally. So now she asks, and outright demands my attention if I don’t respond quickly enough.

I know she’s only four, but that little girl is running me. Although I love her, I’m starting to like her less. Did I teach her to be spoiled and demanding? Horrible thought.

Strangely, her babysitter tells me she’s “delightful” when she’s at her house with a couple other children. Does my child have two personalities? How will she ever get along in kindergarten next year?

—Tearing My Hair Out, North Kildonan

Dear Tearing Your Hair: Your daughter is very intelligent — and a little manipulative. She knows you’re afraid of displeasing her and hurting her feelings, so she’s “working it.”

Ask your babysitter how she handles dividing her attention between your little diva, and the other kids. Also consider having the sitter over for tea, to see how your daughter behaves at home. My guess is she’ll behave well, because the sitter is watching.

It’s time to have a talk with your daughter about how she acts at the sitters’ house, and how she acts at home. She’s smart, and not too young to talk about it.

By the way, you need to clearly take back that unfortunate promise you made about always giving her your undivided attention, and explain why.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve fallen in lust with someone in the finance department of my company. I work in another department but I can see her across the room. What a distraction that tall, sophisticated woman is!

She thinks I’m a friend, but I’m a fake friend. I almost feel guilty for undressing her in my mind, but can’t help it. I know she’s single and likes me.

I like the company we’re with a lot, but I’m so tired of being lonely. Should I try to move to the same position in another company? What do you think?

— Wanting Her, Transcona

Dear Wanting Her: You need a girlfriend outside of work — the sooner the better.

Hitting on the woman in finance is a bad idea, particularly if she doesn’t feel the same way and it comes across as creepy to her. You could try to find out what she thinks of you — through a friend of a friend in-house — but then what? Then sweet nothing happens, if she’s a smart cookie and ambitious.

Don’t give up a job you like just now. Things are still rocky in the business world, as companies struggle to recover from COVID. You need that job until things settle. If you jump ship now, the same thing might happen in the next company, because that’s how much you want to be with someone. For now, look online and start going out at bit.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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