Why fret over problem-solving fence?

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This article was published 12/11/2021 (1785 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate my neighbour, and he hates me back. He started it! Anyhow, we were away for a week, and he had workers come by and throw up an illegally high fence — at least a foot higher than allowed. Should I complain to the city? If I do, I’ll be staring at his ugly face again when I go out to shovel snow.

— Do I or Don’t I? Winnipeg

Dear Do or Don’t: You don’t have to take it upon yourself to turn this guy in. There are other neighbours who don’t have the problems you have with him. He’s tried to solve the problem his way, so why would you fight it?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We watch services on TV on Remembrance Day every Nov. 11, but we go as a three-generation family one day during that week to visit graves of people who were close to us who fought in the wars. We lay poppies there and say prayers.

My older relatives who went off to fight didn’t talk about war much to anyone, and certainly not to younger people. I’ve watched enough war movies — and my kids have too — to know something of what they went through. I’m glad my parents encouraged us to respect the soldiers who fought.

— Different Way of Remembering, Rural Manitoba

Dear Different Way: This is a great suggestion. People who want to do something similar should check the hours at cemeteries in their area.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a younger woman — in her mid-30s — and now that I’m interested in guys my age or a little older, she’s interested in them, too.

Not as boyfriends! But she’s far too interested in hearing all about them, asking way too many questions about their families, ambitions and pastimes. It’s like she has a new hobby — investigating my boyfriends. I call her “the Inspector.”

I brought one guy home on a Saturday afternoon and she handed him a plate of warm cookies and asked him about 15 questions, including on his vaccination status. That poor guy. I haven’t seen much of him since. My dad couldn’t care less except to say, “If he gives you any trouble, I’ll be talking to him!”

How can I get them to trust me and back off? I want to be able to invite guys in without them getting the third degree.

— Sixteen Years Wise, St. James

Dear Sixteen Years Wise: For 16 years, you have been a major focus for your mom. She advised you on everything and loves you with all her heart. Now that these young guys are coming along, she’s letting them in the door, but she’s worried. It’s not likely about your behaviour — she knows you — but she doesn’t know the guys and how they’ll treat you. She’s also worried about your falling in love too young. Then, in her mind, there’s the remote possibility of sex and unplanned pregnancy.

Even if she’s not talking openly about these concerns, she may still have them flashing through her mind. Could you possibly approach those topics yourself? For instance, “Don’t worry Mom, we’re not having sex!” is soothing — if it sounds like it’s the truth.

If you find yourself contemplating sex and need protection, and can’t talk to your mom about it, you can visit the Women’s Health Clinic in downtown Winnipeg (womenshealthclinic.org). The doctors and staff there specialize in seeing teens and young women, so they have accommodating hours.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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