Safer to strike a blow to playboy’s reputation

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/12/2021 (1720 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This good-looking guy I’d started dating with, was secretly seeing some of my other girlfriends at the same time. I found out from one of them, in a shocking late-night phone call.

The very next day, when he just dropped in to try to get some “afternoon delight,” I turned him around and kicked him hard in the butt. He howled like a big baby! I’m an athletic woman, and he deserved what he got.

I shoved him out my door and he yelled: “That’s assault, you freakin’ witch. I’m calling the cops and my lawyer!” I just laughed. I don’t think there’s much chance he’d go to the cops to press charges over a kick in the pants, do you?

— A Little Nervous, Wolseley

Dear Nervous: Police would have a hard time not smirking, although it’s technically assault to strike someone. Chances are about 50/50 he’d call a lawyer buddy to try to get free advice — and that person will probably laugh, too.

What you should have done is walked him out your door — where it’s safer — told him off, and promised you’d be spreading the word about him to all the women you know, ruining his hunting ground for him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to the woman worried about losing her outdoors-obsessed man, she needs to have a frank conversation with a hard “no,” about participating in outdoor recreation. (I advised “Indoor Lover” to set her new outdoor-loving man free, and seek someone more like her. —Miss L.)

People can successfully be in a relationship with certain interests being separate, as long as there is something that binds them strongly. I know couples in which both people were huge outdoor enthusiasts whose marriages fell apart — for one of many other reasons.

Your partner cannot be everything for you, nor should they be. The relationship will work if they both know the reality of their bond. This is just a biased analysis from an outdoor person married for 48 years to a delightful indoor urbanite.

—Lucky Couple, Winnipeg

Dear Lucky Couple: Your point about the hard “no” upfront, is smart. Too many people fake interest in activities they actually dislike to try to get a new person to accept them.

In your case, you knew your lady was not going to be joining you for outdoors activities — and you were OK with finding other friends to accompany you. Other sporty types might have wanted a mate similar to them, and walked away.

That’s the chance people take when they’re totally honest, but there was no trickery going on with you and your lady when you first met, and look at you — both happy 48 years later!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been married three times — lost the second wife (I really loved her) to ill health. The first one was a pregnancy-caused teenage marriage in the 60s, and we got divorced after two years.

The last one — still happening — was made mostly out of mutual loneliness. She now tells me she’s leaving me soon! Something within me feels happy, like I’m getting out of jail. Is there something wrong with me?

—Too Much Married, Winnipeg

Dear Too Much: You’re understandably questioning your love life history, though it makes some sense. Consider this: It sounds like the woman you truly loved — the second wife — was a real, loving partner and you both experienced a good marriage.

The first and last marriages you made were about other concerns — a baby on the way, and soul-destroying loneliness after your long marriage was over.

So stop beating yourself up! This has just been your life situation, so far. It’s time to amp up the activities in your life once COVID abates. Work more on making new friends than finding a new wife. Check out the Manitoba Association of Seniors Centres (manitobaseniorcentres.com) to find one in your area which will offer all kinds of activities. If you end up making a number of really good friends, you’ll feel less need to embark on marriage No. 4 — unless it’s another real love match.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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