Change up cottage situation to avoid stress with ex

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This article was published 03/02/2022 (1697 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a guy who thought I’d come unhinged after my young wife left me for my building “helper” at the lake. Helper? What a joke! I had no idea what was going on with them, as my wife was still getting it on with me. Greedy woman.

I foolishly thought this strong, younger guy was great. He claimed he was at loose ends on weekends at his little cabin, and offered to help me with my small addition. Plus, he worked practically for free — or so I thought.

My question is about the summer looming ahead. The cabin is mine and that’s settled legally now. I love our particular lake, but hate the fact the builder and my ex will also be there at his place.

Do you think I can get over this, or should I look for a cottage at a different lake? I’d like to knock the guy’s lights out, but I’m not much of a fighter.

— Losing Sleep, St. Vital

Dear Losing Sleep: While your feelings are raw, you don’t want to be running into your wife and the interloper at the town store — or even have to be worrying about it at all. Two smart rental moves could be the answer for this summer, but you’ll need to get cracking.

First, rent your cottage out for the summer, with full payment upfront. Then use that money to rent another cottage for yourself, at a nearby lake. By the following year, you may have found someone new you’ll want to bring to your old cottage. Then things will feel equal when you run into the dastardly duo — and you will. That’s just how life rolls.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 21-year-old son recently had his first relationship with a girl — and it went down the drain in two months. I’d kicked him out to go to his Dad’s, telling him he needed to find a girlfriend at his age! He wanted back after that girl didn’t work out, and I’ve let him come. He said the strangest thing as he came back in the door, with his stuff: “See, I told you I could never make it with a girl.”

That reminded me of a fight I had with him a year ago. He was always downstairs with this one guy and called him “My Friend So-and-So” like he was a prince. They’d come up for dinner and go right back downstairs, and lock the door again. I got sick of this guy always being over, and told my son. He said, “We have nowhere else to go!” I remember thinking that was strange — him saying “we.”

Now he’s back, he had some tears, and said: “I hated it at Dad’s, and I’m really not cut out to be with a girl, Mom.”

It finally sunk in. My son is gay! So how am I supposed to handle my new gay son? How will I ever have grandchildren? Please help!

— Shocked Mother, West End

Dear Shocked: Accept your son didn’t just “turn” gay. He’s been trying to tell you for a long time, but you wouldn’t hear him.

So, here’s what you do now: Love him as you always have — only with more understanding and acceptance. Welcome his special friend, and get to know him, beyond quick dinners. Invite them to play a board game or cards with you sometimes.

Also, stop fretting about missing out on grandchildren. Your son may meet a guy he wants for a permanent relationship and possibly marriage. Maybe they’ll adopt adopt children and you’ll become a grandmother. But don’t depend on that. Look at getting some child involvement happening on your own. Research ways to become involved with children once the pandemic is tamed — possibly through volunteer opportunities or Grandma-style babysitting in your neighbourhood.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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