Find new workplace to get over unrequited love

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This article was published 11/04/2022 (1649 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My workplace crush got married to someone else, and I’m not taking it well. In the back of my mind, there was always a chance my crush and I would get it together.

End of my fantasy and the beginning of a new hell I didn’t expect. It’s mostly my fault. I’m a shy guy, and never let her know how I really felt in case she laughed at me.

We did let each other know we were attracted, and “for a laugh” one night after working late, we got it on, way out in the back parking lot. She’s been my closest female friend throughout the pandemic, and I’m still so crazy about her! She works right there beside me, and it hurts.

Should I quit and look for a different job? I’ve worked for my current employer for more than five years and it’s a good job.

— Workplace Pain, Westwood

Dear Pain: Your emotional wound doesn’t need this daily chafing, though you need a job! There’s nothing better for a wound than closing it, protecting it and letting it heal. That means moving workplaces, but don’t quit your job without finding another one. Heartache plus unemployment could equal depression.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 21, and still live at home because of the pandemic. I got “let go” twice and kind of gave up. To pass time, I work out at home and hope someone calls about jobs I’ve applied for.

My dad comes home from his job and is constantly monitoring my “fat” belly. He used to be a bodybuilder. While he sports a gut himself nowadays, he’s more than comfortable commenting about mine, and how I am “too young to have a gut like his.”

I wish he’d just shut up! I’ve asked him to stop, but he won’t. How do you get through to someone like that? He may be older, but he hasn’t learned much about how to treat people he supposedly cares about. He’s an insensitive jerk.

— Healthy but “Thick,” East Kildonan

Dear Thick: It’s likely your dad’s respect problem has partly to do with your staying home and working out in the basement, when he wishes you were working like him. Lucky for you, there are a lot of workplaces finally building back to full staff numbers and desperately looking for help.

If you find a job with a physical component to it, you’ll be lifting weight on and off all shift. That means you’ll keep getting in shape, and won’t be a sitting target at home for dad anymore.

It’s bad for your self-esteem to live with your dad, so start looking for a stopgap job, and some friends to live with, as soon as possible. Get out of each other’s faces, and you’ll come back to a better relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend recently revealed she hates having sex! We’ve been together two years. I’ve been talking about buying a home together and getting married, but she gets uncomfortable and loud when I do. This weekend she suddenly dropped this sex bombshell in a fight and everything feels wrong now. It was ugly.

She also slipped it in that she’d had a female lover in college and the sex was “not a problem because women understand women.” I keep trying to convince myself she only said it because she was mad and didn’t mean it, but then the other part of me says there is some truth behind every angry remark.

We haven’t talked more about her sexuality yet, but I should say she often gets defensive and puts down men.

Is there a way to save this relationship? Should I move on?

— Disappointment In Bed, North End

Dear Disappointment: Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Since this woman doesn’t like your sexual style and has now revealed she may prefer a woman’s touch, you’d best believe her and look for the exit.

In some cases, a woman hangs onto a man because he’s a decent guy and she wants to have babies. Since you’ve already been told you’re not No. 1 as a romantic and sexual match, it’s time let this woman go so you can find your total match.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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