Stepmoms deserve Mother’s Day acclaim

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/05/2022 (1550 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear MissLonelyhearts: Why is it that my stepchildren, who live with me and their father, never recognize me on Mother’s Day? Their mother abandoned them when they were toddlers. She rarely sees them, because she was young when she had her kids and now she “needs to find herself.”

I’ve been with them and their father for six years. I’m the one who loves them and looks after them when they’re sick or need a shoulder to cry on. I’ve gone to each and every school and sports event, medical appointments… you get what I’m saying.

Yet, my husband and the children go out and buy her flowers every year. My husband doesn’t think I need to be recognized as well. He said, “You are not their mother. My ex gave them life.”

After six years you’d think I could get over this, but as Mother’s Day approaches each year, I always feel tense, even though I know I’ll get nothing. It just happened again, and I’m so hurt! Please help. What, if anything, can I do next year?

— Not Their Mother? St. James

Dear Not Their Mother?: The children’s father is well aware his children have two mother figures. What he doesn’t get is this: There shouldn’t be a contest every year — which you lose. He should be leading the parade to get two bouquets of flowers the little kids can give, but he’s not.

So, here’s how you can take control of this situation and banish the hurt next year. Since these children care about you, and you love them, ask them sweetly if they’d make you a Mother’s Day card too — and bring out fun art materials to do it. Then, surprise them by sitting down and making them “children’s day” cards at the same time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I was the luckiest lady in the world. After being married for 12 years to a man who was physically abusive, he divorced me for an older woman. What a relief — like getting out of jail!

After I recovered and started dating again, I found the love of my life. He agreed to live with me, but there was no ring, as he said I’d need to prove how much I loved him and earn the ring.

I said, “No problem!” thinking that would be easy, since I loved him so much. He was everything my heart desired, at first.

But now, only two years later, I can’t seem to do anything right. He’s constantly criticizing me, not just at home but everywhere. He comes home whenever he wants at night, and I’m supposed to have the house sparkling and dinner ready.

I know the physical abuse I suffered in the past was horrible. This may sound weird, but when the physical abuse stopped, at least it was over until the next time. The mental abuse is ongoing from the time I open my eyes until the time I go to sleep.

I feel like a two-time loser. I’m even beginning to think it must be me that’s causing the men in my life to abuse me. What can I do to make myself a better person? I need help to break this cycle.

— Losing Again, Fort Richmond

Dear Losing Again: The Fort Garry Women’s Resource Centre offers many services to women in difficult situations, and many of those services are free. Check out Facebook/fgwrc for help. They don’t respond to counselling concerns via email or social media. Instead, they ask that you phone them at 204-477-1123.

Please send questions, comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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