Don’t get freaked out over family resemblance

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This article was published 03/07/2022 (1573 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend took me home last weekend to meet his mother. Now, I’m freaking out. She turns out to look exactly like I will in 20 years — same red-hair and complexion, same freckles, same facial features and same body type.

Grandma was also there — also a speckly redhead. This is so weird! I don’t know what it means, but it can’t be good for our sex life together, which started out so promisingly. Please help.

— Is This Freaky? Downtown

Dear Freaky: It isn’t some weird sexual thing, if that’s what’s worrying you. Now, if your boyfriend couldn’t stand a girl who looked anything like his mother, that’d actually be bad news.

Chances are good this guy has happy, positive associations with women close to him — like his mom and grandma, so, relax. He was attracted to your personality, and just felt safe and happy looking at you too.

You look like one of the clan, but there’s nothing incestuous about it. In some parts of the world, a vast majority of the people have the same colouring.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband says he wants us to spend most of the summer away from the city at our cabin. “Summer’s just eight weeks long,” he told me, much too enthusiastically.

Yeah, right! I suspect he has monkey business going on in the city. It wouldn’t be the first time.

I’m a teacher, so I’m off work for two months and I get that obvious point. Then, he quickly said he’d stay at the lake with me — when he could. But, he quickly added, he’d have to drive in and out a couple times a week, to help management with problems at the business.

He’s a boring lover with the same tired old moves, and I’m not even jealous anymore. I just don’t want to go to the dang lake to make things easier for him and his chick-of-the-moment in the city.

I have no lake girlfriends, but I do have some great friends living in the city. Miss L., deep down I only care about this man as the father of our grown children and as a generous provider over the years. I don’t totally trust him or like him as a friend to talk to or do activities with.

I’m afraid this summer could feel absolutely endless with him at the cabin half the time, and then with no one there when he goes back home. Please help me. I refuse to be…

— Stashed at the Lake, Bridgwater

Dear Stashed: Some marriages, which have burned out in several ways, including the sexual aspect, don’t work well at a cabin away from friends. So, here’s a possible summer plan to elevate the quality of your life.

Spend the first week of summer with your husband and extended family at the lake — long enough that you’ll all get tired of each other. Then, family obligations for the summer are almost taken care of and you might want to go back to the city for a bit.

Come out to the lake again when you’re ready — having invited a fun friend for a couple of days of activities and side trips. Then keep inviting up different friends, having a blast with company you actually enjoy.

Sometimes your husband might work the weekdays and join you on the weekends. If he does, your weekday visitors could go home a little early, or they could stay, depending on how much fun you’re having.

Make this summer mostly about positive things you want to do with friends who suit your personality. Don’t make it so much about trying to foil your husband’s plans. That’s a waste of your time.

Also, be sure to tell him upfront you’ll be spending time at home in the city when you feel like it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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