Speedy gift could allay guilt, sidestep conflict

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/07/2022 (1551 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I took a day off recently to get out of the city and spend a bit of time relaxing on the beach. But I couldn’t relax, because several young mothers were on a blanket near me. They didn’t have their children’s tiny heads covered with hats or umbrellas.

It was a very hot, sunny day and these little kids, from a new baby to a six-month-old, had no protection from the sun beating down on them!

I was going to give the mothers my big umbrella, but I was afraid to be a busybody. I thought of these poor babies all the way home! What should I have done, besides moving my blanket and trying to look the other way?

— Concerned Grandmother, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Concerned: Here is a technique that works: stop, smile and drop off the impulsive gift. You might say: “Here’s an umbrella for you and the babies. I’m off now. I don’t need it anymore and would like someone to have it.” P.S.: This move has to be done quickly, so the gift can’t be given back to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our neighbours at the lake have two good-looking sons. Last fall, my best friend and I (we’re 19) drove out to the lake for a weekend, knowing they’d be there. We partied with them and had a great time.

Their hometown isn’t very far from the lake and they know everybody around. We got to know some other people our age, too. My parents had no idea that’s what we did!

Now my same girlfriend and I are planning to go to the cabin again, and we know from talking to them online that the guys will be there. We’re certainly “of age“ and can go to the bars. In fact, my dad calls us girls “the old teenagers.“ Do you think we need to tell the parents about the guys and their friends before we leave? My girlfriend says no way!

— Feeling Uneasy, East Kildonan

Dear Uneasy: What does your girlfriend know? She has nothing to lose. Listen to your own gut. Telling your parents is about being open and trustworthy adults, instead of sneaky teenagers.

The bigger problem — aside from the two brothers dropping by — is having it get out at a nearby bar, that there’s a party cabin. People you don’t really know might just drop by after the bar. What if that party got out of hand?

Be open with your folks. If they’re smart parents, they will tell you they “might” drop by sometime over the weekend. For sure, they will phone to check up on things, and who can blame them? It’s their summer palace, after all, and you could do with a little backup protection.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just heard my first love moved back to Manitoba. He and I are turning 49 and 50 in the same birthday week this summer.

My good friend from school just phoned me to let me know my old boyfriend’s single again. “So am I!” I said too loudly. I never got really over him!

Should I contact him on Facebook, or would that be too freaky? We dated in college and almost married then, but he wanted to finish school and I wanted to wing off to Europe.

Is it weird to react like this to news of a former love? Is it silly of me to try?

— Remembering the Past, West Kildonan

Dear Remembering: It’s good to take chances in this life, and if they don’t work out, just roll with it.

How sad when people who resisted the impulse to make contact with an old friend or lover find out years later they would have loved it. What a sad waste of time! So, look him up any way you can, and soon.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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