You need to bring surprise photo into focus

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This article was published 15/10/2022 (1429 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a guy who likes to do the laundry. When I was getting ready to wash our clothes last weekend, I was emptying jeans pockets and came to my wife’s favourite old denim overalls she wears all the time. Shoved down a long pocket, way at the bottom, I found a face torn from an old colour photo.

The guy had carrot-red hair — orange, to be clear. The only guy she and I know of with orange hair is her ex-fiancé. I stole her from him years ago. I happen to know that jerk is living back in town. What I don’t know, is why she’d have a tiny photo of him in the overalls she was wearing in the last two weeks! The guy’s a big loser, and lost her by being a snake and cheating on her.

I don’t know how to handle this. It’s possible the picture had been down in her overalls pocket for years, but I sincerely doubt it! Please help.

— Her Upset Husband, Wolseley

Dear Husband: Take the tiny bit of photo, tape it onto a piece of paper and show it to your wife. Tell her where you found it and ask her why it might suddenly appear in the overalls you washed.

She may have been going through old photos, found that one and then shoved it in her pocket and forgot about it. It might mean that little to her; or, it might mean too much, and she carries it around with her these days to look at it.

Until you talk to her about it — looking straight into her eyes — you’re living in jealousy hell, where everybody’s been at some time. So, don’t put off this confrontation. It might be nothing. But, if it is something, at least you can get some professional help, if needed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want two more kids, like my husband and I first planned, but now my husband says he “categorically does not.” He says two children are more than enough, as he wants time to “rebuild his savings, and plan for the future.”

I come from a big Catholic family, and consider myself rich in people. He’s from a small, non-religious family who don’t get along that well, and are money-minded. Now, he informs me, “The more kids, the more financial complications.”

I told him before we got married that I wanted a big family, and didn’t want to work outside the home. He wanted me so badly, he now admits he “decided to agree to anything.” What’s happened is I’m feeling tricked and turned off by my husband.

My mother, who I’m very close with, recently confessed she controlled the number of kids she had with birth control — or the lack of it — and my dad just had to go along with it. I’m not a dishonest person like that, but I don’t know what to do.

— Forgoing Half of My Children? St. Norbert

Dear Forgoing Half?:The issue seems to boil down to money. You don’t mention working outside the home to bring in any cash, and times definitely are getting tougher. Many have drained their savings through the pandemic years — people who never expected that to happen when they first got married.

Could you reconnect to your career path part-time, and put off having a third baby for a few years? If you end up in a more comfortable place financially, then you could negotiate baby No. 3 honestly, and not use trickery.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:I’m 18 and I’ve been out with the same guy three times, but he’s never made a move to touch me — like hold my hand, kiss me or anything! I’m a good-looking girl and I dress up nicely. He’s also extremely nice-looking. Should I come right out and ask him if he’s shy, or not into girls, or what?

— Untouchable? Wolseley

Dear Untouchable:Should he call again for a date, ask him politely how he feels about you. If it seems vague or overly evasive, gently refuse the fourth date, saying you two “seem to have landed in the friend zone.” That takes the blame and sting out of it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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