Heavy rotation hitting a sour note in bedroom

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This article was published 23/10/2022 (1383 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend has a “sex song.” I’m not kidding! He has a song he plays every single time we have sex. He kept it secret for the first few months, but now he guilts me into letting him play it by pouting when I want to skip it.

I really like this man, but I’m starting to be turned off in the bedroom. What is in his head that he needs this song every time? Am I not enough?

— Sick of the Song and Dance, Elmwood

Dear Sick of the Song: When people are single for a long stretch, they often have a song or a compilation that arouses them. It helps them to have a sex life when they’re all alone.

In the first stages of a lusty new relationship, partners are just discovering the new person, and don’t need extra stimulation. But, as things start to calm down, some get to thinking about their favourite old lovemaking song, and mistakenly think, “Wouldn’t it be cool to bring it back, and add it to the real action I’m getting now?”

Big mistake! The new lover soon recognizes what’s up — and isn’t impressed. So, tell your guy how you feel about his sex song. If he really needs it, you might want to find another sweetie who doesn’t need any help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of almost 40 years did not buy me a birthday gift this week. This is his way of getting back at me. In early fall, I yelled at him a couple times about spending money on things we don’t need — expensive new tools and materials for him to build with. We are retired, and his hobby is making stuff out of metal, which I manage to tolerate.

Last week I got furious at him for spending another $600 on metalworking gear, and threw one of his tools at him, intending to miss. I connected with his arm. He went really quiet. It wasn’t a big deal — it barely grazed him. But, my birthday came and went yesterday, and all he got me was a card from a dollar store. I told him we need to talk and he just shrugged, and went out to his metal shop, by the garage. I feel like something odd is going on, but he’s not saying a word. Please help.

— Nervous Wife, south of Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: So far, you’ve dealt your husband several heavy verbal blows this fall — then you hit him with a tool, and more recently yelled at him for spending another $600 on a hobby you only “tolerate.”

Your husband has had enough. He’s just thrown down the gauntlet and you’d do well to recognize that. Bullying a quiet person is generally a bad idea. It seems you’ve recently been acting like the dictator of his life. Rather than fighting back verbally, he has now shown how little he cares for honouring the day you were born. He knows exactly what giving you that cheap card meant.

Do you still want this marriage? It seems to be at that point. You’ve been treating your husband like an errant teenager or a disrespected employee.

Your husband has taken some time to think, and made a quiet but powerful move. My guess is he’s already talked to a lawyer and is well aware what direction the final fight could go.

His options could include being alone — feeling peaceful and being free to work on his art — or he may also be thinking about finding another partner. If you threaten him with leaving, he may have a moving truck on speed dial for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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