Pay no heed to ill-informed, cynical naysayers

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/11/2022 (1406 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently fell in love with a sweet and kind man, who used to be a moody guy back in high school — as he got older, he got himself therapy. I never knew him before, but people from my crowd went to high school with him.

When they heard I was seriously involved with this guy, they got worried. I’ve told them what he’s like now, and they say irritating things that amount to, “Will his therapy last?”

His problems were parental — his mom and dad both drank. Then his parents stopped drinking, and everybody went for therapy in the end. Now things are peaceful between them and all is good. My guy has no use for drinking.

Why are my friends poking their noses in? This is not their business, is it? But should I tell them some details to allay their fears?

— Don’t Appreciate their Attitudes, St. Boniface

Dear Don’t Appreciate: You could say something this: “Unlike most people who had problems back in school, my man got the help he needed, and is just fine. So, let’s talk about you! How are you doing in your relationship?”

That question will either shut the door to more conversation about your man, or open it up — to their various relationship problems.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m lonely already. This will be my first Christmas in Winnipeg as I won’t be able to get home to my family in another province. I’m a single guy and a university student.

Rather than let this sad feeling turn into depression, I’m looking for a way to celebrate the holiday season by helping other people. I don’t know my way around the entire city, but I do own wheels. I wonder what you could suggest to me to at least make this an interesting Christmas for me. I really need to be busy!

— Lonely Christmas Elf, south Winnipeg

Dear Elf: The Christmas Cheer Board is always looking for volunteer help this time of year, especially with packing and delivery of hampers for folks in need. Check out their website and see how you can fit in (christmascheerboard.ca/ways-to-help/volunteer). You could be very busy this Christmas season and meet some good people — and at least have some fun while you work!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a woman who bakes every day. She says she loves the way it makes the house smell. It’s also making both of us gain a lot of weight. I’m going to look like a roly-poly snowman at this rate. I recently asked her if she could stop baking every single day, and she flat-out refused, saying it was her only hobby.

Then I said in a silly way: “Let’s both jump on your scale!” I hopped on first, and almost broke it. I’m up 28 pounds since meeting her. She was up 16. Things got really quiet.

This week there’s no more baking, and when we were in the store, I heard her say sadly, “So much for Christmas baking.”

Life can’t be all about food — or can it?

— Missing Baked Treats, North Kildonan

Dear Missing: You can’t successfully take away a pleasure like daily baking without replacing it with something that’s sweet in a different way.

Luckily there are many pleasure-giving activities, other than tickling your taste buds. For instance, playing a musical instrument and singing require you put down the food, as would other hands-on creative endeavours.

Playing board games or video games would also keep your hands busy.

You could also start buying tickets for small events, instead of going out for dinners. You could also go on outdoor dates for ice-skating, cross-country skiing or star-gazing with a telescope.

Between those activities, people still have to eat lots of healthy food, but a well-balanced meal isn’t nearly as calorie-rich as a pan of chocolate brownies!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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