Get off your high horse and plan a fun date night

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This article was published 20/11/2022 (1365 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife has started calling me “Mr. Holier Than Thou” and we are hardly speaking. The week she started her new in-office job, I do admit I encouraged her to yap about people at work. I have worked at home alone since COVID hit, and have no office scuttlebutt to share on my end.

But then I got sick of her endless gossip about people I don’t even know. I climbed on my high horse one night and told her I didn’t want her “poisoning my ears with the private business of strangers.” (Like something my grandfather would have said.)

She was shocked at my total change of attitude, and her cheeks went a deep, bright red. She said, “Fine… Mr. Holier Than Thou!” and totally changed the way she operated. Too often now, one of her new girlfriends from work stops by and picks her up for coffee or to go to the bar. She never brings her new friends in.

We are growing farther apart, and I’m worried. How do I keep from losing her?

— Holy Husband, West End

Dear Holy Hubby: Your wife’s face went very red, which means you shamed her — after encouraging her to share her office gossip with you. Yet, you have offered her no apology!

She needs you to say sorry for you two to get back on better footing again. Also, this sociable lady needs a sociable life. That means you have to stop acting like a disapproving parent and get back in the date-night game with her. That could involve movies, dinners with friends (your old ones and her new ones), live music, theatre, comedy and sports events, for starters.

Check the entertainment listings every week and be proactive about suggesting things to do together. Smart couples — especially those with no children — keep right on “dating” after they’re married. Time to get into all the fun possibilities for a couple with no kids! You can stir some life back into your relationship, if you try hard enough.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Winter darkness is descending on us — boom! — before it’s even dinner time. It’s so depressing. My Canadian-born housemates couldn’t care less, but it jars me to look outside before dinner — and it’s pitch black.

The other guys in this house don’t even notice, although half the time they’re at the gym, where it’s super bright. I find myself taking evening naps I don’t need and losing valuable studying time (I’m a grad student).

Last winter I got depressed and fell behind, and had to really push myself in the spring to improve my schoolwork. What can I do to avoid feeling this sadness and lethargy, and not mess up again this year?

— International U of M Student, Winnipeg

Dear Student: As crazy as it may seem, getting out in that cold weather and turning your face up to the sun (when you can), is really helpful. Also, exercise is important in elevating mood and general health, and gyms are usually very well-lit. Can you join your friends there?

The lighting situation is actually somewhat better now that snow has fallen, as it reflects the sunlight and makes the world super-bright in the morning and afternoon. Daily walks at lunchtime when the sun is brightest, are your best bet. That midday mood elevation will aid in your ability to study and concentrate.

When sitting inside to study, search out a sunny window as your special spot on campus. And, when you’re back home, don’t study under one little lamp. Turn on other lamps as well.

Having trouble getting up in the dark? Dawn simulators can help. They gradually increase the light level when it’s time for you to start waking up. Regular SAD (seasonal affective disorder) lamps can be used to improve your mood at different times of the day, for lengths of time that are best advised by your doctor.

Also make sure you’re eating healthily and getting enough vitamins — particularly Vitamin D. Since it seems you likely suffered from SAD last winter, make sure to see your physician now. You might also want to access the university’s student counselling services for help with mood or lack of energy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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