Bling bust-up no way to launch a marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/12/2022 (1349 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my boyfriend is buying me a huge, expensive diamond engagement ring, before we’ve made any agreement to marry. If I become engaged to him or anybody, I want to help pick out the ring I’ll be wearing for a lifetime!

I appreciate my man is a leader and a go-getter, but we have radically different notions about clothing and jewelry. His taste, as my mom would say, is “ostentatious.”

A little birdie from his family told me he’s proposing to me on Christmas Eve. Yikes! What do you suggest I do?

It will ruin his surprise if I speak up now, but I don’t want to be surprised that night with a big honking ring to wear, no matter how much I love him.

— Ring Run-In Coming, East Kildonan

Dear Ring Run-In: You have to tell him (gently) about this unsuitable ring right now. Let him know somebody spilled the beans and that a big, showy ring wouldn’t be right for you. If he blows up or takes a giant step backward on the proposal plan — perhaps he’s rethinking everything.

If you find you want to compromise, you might agree the giant-sized diamond will only be worn to certain social events, with a plain wedding band on your finger the rest of the time.

Gently explain that couples who go ring-shopping together can pick out something that’s pleasing to both. It’s meant to be a lifetime symbol of their love, so the wearer — that’s you — needs to be happy to wear it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a month of holidays coming up. I want to go to Mexico, but my new girlfriend absolutely can’t go. I see all these sunspot deals out there are being snapped up quickly. My beautiful partner is a cat lover and won’t leave them behind to go on a trip.

She says her pets can’t be left alone that long, and she wouldn’t trust a cat-sitter. I used to be married to a man, and I have two kids who are in their 20s, with cats, and they use cat-sitters when they go on holiday. My lady won’t even leave her “animal babies” for the neighbours to tend.

So, I am the big, bad killjoy now! What can I do?

— Dying for the Sunshine, Wolseley

Dear Dying: To avoid sulking through the depths of winter, plan to head south to enjoy the sunshine and the total freedom for a few weeks, on your own, or perhaps with other friends.

Your girlfriend back in Manitoba will be better off if you get away, rather than seeing you stuck at home hating the snow and cold, and resenting her lifestyle with her beloved pets.

Buy a ticket ASAP and relax. Then go get your fill of sunshine. Maybe you’ll want to fly home a little earlier than you think. That means you’ll lose the right to whine about not being able to hit the beach!

Also, consider buying a membership at a sports complex with a swimming pool. With any luck, they’ll have a nice, warm sauna, too. That’ll help get you through the rest of the winter in a good mood.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I secretly raid the freezer at night while my husband snores away. He’s so loud he wakes me up — so I get up and feel I have the right to eat whatever I can find.

Last night, when he caught me head-first in the freezer, coming up with a vat of chocolate ice cream, he snapped my photo with his phone and yelled “Caught!”

I screamed at him to get lost, and he muttered, “Now we know why you’re gaining so much weight. I think I’ll call you Porky!” and went back to bed.

Porky? I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. Now I don’t want his self-righteous hands on me. He just kissed his sex life goodbye. Please help!

— Porky, River Heights

Dear Porky: It’s time you two had a big talk about disrespect and its effect on your relationship and sex life. “Porky“ is a dangerous and hurtful way to address your partner, and has a real impact on self-image and mental health.

But “sawing logs” isn’t great for the romantic life either, and it could also be dangerous for your husband’s health. Insist he see his physician to get booked for a sleep study to find out how bad his snoring really is, and if he needs help for it.

Meanwhile, help him with natural anti-snoring aids, like propping pillows behind him or taping a tennis ball to his back, to keep him on his side. People generally snore more on their backs.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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