Connecting with seniors mutually beneficial

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This article was published 07/12/2022 (1344 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: The letter from “Generational Loss” — the person who lost the last of his grandparents and really misses relationships with older people — generated many suggestions. Thanks to everyone who wrote in! Here are some of the helpful letters:

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart hurts for the person who lost all their grandparents, and wants to continue to have elderly people to visit. My sister and I have visited a certain personal care home almost every day for the last year. Our mother passed away after a period of time there, and our father is still there.

There is a desperate need for these darling residents to have a connection with people who will love and care for them. We not only care for our loved ones there, but have become close with many other residents and have built a trusting and loving relationship with them. So many have no one at all! These sweet elderly people matter and need extra love and care.

First step for anyone is usually to do police vulnerable-person checks. So, I’d recommend setting up a meeting with the volunteer or recreation co-ordinator at a home as a start.

Lots of residents are lonely and neglected, and that’s just not right or humane. It’s time to quit using COVID and other things as a reason for residents to be suffering alone.

— Enjoying the Visiting, Manitoba

Dear Enjoying: Mutual enjoyment is what it’s all about. Sometimes it takes a little while to dig in and get to know a person. Wide-ranging questions beyond “How are you feeling today?” make for much more enjoyable visits.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Reading the letter from “Generational Loss” made me reflect on my own situation. I’m an 87-year-old widower who still has a very active mind and spirit, but I am limited enough to live in an “assisted-independent” living complex.

I don’t need money or gifts, but I feel limited in social connections with most of the people here, due to their attitudes and feelings. I wish this lonely, younger person would pay me a visit to see if we could have a more dynamic relationship. I would be most happy for a visit, since I don’t drive anymore.

— Active Mind and Spirit, Manitoba

Dear Active Mind: Thanks for writing in, as some people have limited ideas about the conversational opportunities with older people, and you sound like a firecracker!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I, as well, enjoy the company of many seniors. I have volunteered at a seniors’ home once a week to visit those who do not receive visitors. It was rewarding for me. They often did not remember me from one week to the other, but were always eager for the visit!

I often engaged them in conversation about their life growing up. Their long-term memory is often very vivid. I hope this can help your reader.

— Wanting to Help, Manitoba

Dear Wanting To Help: That sounds like a great experience, on both sides. How exactly did you find a place to volunteer and was there a training session to get you started? How often did you visit? Any extra info is very welcome.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Many assisted-living and personal care facilities would welcome visitors, companions or volunteers. The writer could start with such facilities in their neighbourhood, seeing if there are programs for which they could volunteer (carpet bowling, bingo, companionship).

They should also find out if a criminal-record check is required, and of course, find out about health protocols.

We actually have a paid companion once a week to see our mother in personal care. She is covered by family visits other days.

— Caring, Manitoba

Dear Caring: Your mom has quite the social life with family — and the paid companion brings in the experiences of a different world. Smart way to do it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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