Major family decisions aren’t only about you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/09/2023 (1095 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a 31-year-old-mom of two little boys and I love staying home to take care of them but I really want to have one more child before I’m too old! So, last night I came out of the shower in a towel, and tried to seduce my husband.

He knows me too well! He looked askance at me and said, “No way we’re doing that without birth control. I’m putting my foot down!”

Miss L., I just want to try for my baby girl! I have two boys I love more than life, but I also want a girl I can teach to be just like me. I’m not using my birth control anymore, and I’m ready to take that chance. “Let go and let God” is the saying, right?

My husband made me so angry! He finally turned his back on me in bed last night, and said he won’t talk about it anymore and told me to “get back on the pill, or something.”

What do you think? Why can’t we just take a chance on one baby girl?

— Wanting a Daughter So Badly! St James

Dear Wanting a Daughter: You want a “Mini-Me” as your next child. That’s pretty ego-driven, plus nobody can promise you a daughter unless you adopt.

Your husband deserves a say in the number of children he’s going to support alone! He’s already supporting a family of four. It will only get more and more expensive if you don’t go back to work. And then, there’s this question: If you conceived a third boy, would you later press for a fourth child, still hoping against hope for a little girl?

Also, how will your little boys feel if they overhear these arguments with your husband? You don’t want them to feel like two little disappointments.

This isn’t your only chance to have females in your inner world! Once your boys grow up they may have girlfriends, wives and children of their own. “Love what you have” is the key to happiness in some ancient belief systems. If that’s the case, you’re already rich with your husband and two boys.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Through my apartment kitchen wall I can hear the new couple living next door talking and laughing. They’re a gay couple and are having a great time cooking and having friends over for little parties. I was so curious, I must confess I held a glass up to the wall the other night when they had a dinner party. I heard lots of interesting stuff — very entertaining friends!

The next day, I ran into one of the couple in our shared parking area. In the conversation, I mentioned something I shouldn’t have known. He said quickly, “How did you know that?” and then he got a look on his face as it clicked in. I turned beet red and stuttered, “I wasn’t listening in, on purpose.” His chin went up in disbelief and he walked away from me quickly.

When I ran into him again the next time, he was totally cold and silent. Should I go over there, knock on their door and apologize? I want to be friends so badly, not enemies!

— Big Ears and Bigger Mouth, Crescentwood

Dear Big Ears: Nobody likes to know their next-door neighbours are listening to their private conversations through the walls.

You have two choices now: You can go over and apologize — and say you’ve moved your furniture away from the adjoining wall and leaving music on for more privacy on both sides — or you can just let it slide, and give up on the idea of being friends. We live in a big city where lots of people live like this. Still, that’s a bit sad, when you meant no harm.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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