If bond is for real, a little distance won’t weaken it

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/09/2023 (1089 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 26, and was recently offered a job overseas that would be the very first that makes use of my education. It also pays incredibly well. The only problem is, I started dating an incredible man three months ago. We are falling in love, but nobody has said the L-word yet.

I don’t want to break his heart, but he has an established career, and I very much doubt he’d want to move with me. I’ve been avoiding this conversation for a week now, and the deadline to accept is approaching. Help me!

— Overseas Offer a Heartbreaker, West End

Dear Overseas: At age 26, with a career that has finally been given a chance to take off, you need to spread those wings and fly! You did just start dating this man three months ago. Why not take this job before time runs out, and see what happens?

Yes, you might hate it, and come back quickly, or you might actually love the job and the new adventure and find yourself in an exciting new world you want to explore. Whatever you do, don’t turn the job down and then blame your boyfriend for it if you start regretting your decision down the road.

If he’s feeling the beginnings of the “big L” for you, he’ll get on an airplane and come see you to try to win you. If he’s not feeling that moved, his feelings will fade. He’ll shop for love closer to home, and you can accept it wasn’t meant to be.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother has always been a “failure to launch” — going from job to job and generally not improving his lot in life. He recently got a “sales job” and has been doing really well. He’s even been talking about moving out of our parents’ place, and I was legitimately happy for him. That is, until I looked into his new job.

As far as I can tell, this job he’s excelling at is a telephone scam. It’s “legal,” but I get the impression it’s unethical and involves predatory sales that target lonely people. I’m torn on this, because I don’t want to take the wind out of his sails.

I’m genuinely happy to see his self-esteem so buoyed by his success. If only it were something I could be proud of him for, or at the very least, not ashamed. I’m not sure how to approach this. For context, I don’t live with my parents anymore, but he does, and we’re both in our 30s.

— Worried Big Bro, south Winnipeg

Dear Worried: How would your brother feel if everything blew up, serious trouble ensued and you could have warned him with your reality check? You need to risk his wrath, and quietly tell him what you know, so he can make an informed choice. If he refuses to listen to your warning — and he might — wish him well, and don’t lecture any further.

The ideal situation would be to help him find a better job with a company with better principles and pay! But he’s just starting to get on his own two feet now, and he might not want your brotherly interference.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: One of my buddies has been hitting on my new girlfriend, and I don’t know if I should say anything. Whenever my girl and I go out together with the group, this buddy of mine seems to cling to her — buying her drinks, staring her into the eyes with “that look.”

I don’t like it, but I don’t want to be the clingy, insecure boyfriend like her last guy, and cause problems like he did. Should I take a chance and talk to him, or just talk to her about it?

— Noticing Bad Things, Osborne Village

Dear Noticing: If you stay with this woman, there will always be a pinch-hitter in her life, ready to step up to the plate — and replace you. People will feel embarrassed and sorry for you. This girlfriend seems pretty nonchalant over your buddy’s attention, and that’s when she’s out on a date with you!

Also, you note your girlfriend says her last boyfriend was “insecure.” Bottom line? This woman enjoys playing one guy off another. She’s an even bigger problem than your hound-dog buddy, who’s shamelessly trying to win her away right under your nose.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography