Probe work-life balance, infidelity with counsellor

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This article was published 04/09/2024 (713 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I bought an expensive “summer at the lake” for my wife and kids — and ended up paying for it with my marriage.

My wife is a teacher and was able to stay away all summer with our young boys, who I knew would have a great time with all their beach activities.

So, I got a rental truck and loaded up all the new summer equipment, food, water gear and everybody’s clothes. Then I drove up to the lake with one kid in the truck, and our littlest boy went in the car, with Mom.

I helped them unload everything, stayed for four whole days and had a great time — and then I had to speed back to the city. My crazy boss was yelling, “All hands on deck or get off my crew!” I didn’t get up to the lake much at all after that, since we had so much work to deal with.

My wife kept phoning and begging me to come for weekends to be with her and to enjoy the beach with my boys, but I kept working six or seven days a week, and time just kept slipping away.

There was another complication. With my company there’s this single woman who kept wanting to keep me company at the bar after work “to relax.” I was always lonely, and one thing led to another.

My wife is no dummy, so in August she got two teacher friends to spy on me and my lady friend, and I was caught. She is nothing more than a sex pal, because I’m not in love with her, but now my wife says I’ve lost her love, and she’s leaving with the boys.

I got rid of my sex buddy, and I want to get back to being a good husband and father to my little boys. What else can I do to get my family back?

— Guilty Husband, Sorry Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Dad: If you and your wife are going to try to stay together, do it with the help of an experienced marriage counsellor. That’s the only way you may be able to help heal the rifts and give you a chance at becoming a strong couple.

Unfortunately, your boys may have overheard what’s been going on with you and your sex buddy. Kids often hear private things when they’re supposedly asleep, and the parents are fighting. That’s especially true if parents are raising their voices, or crying. The whole family needs counselling help now, including the kids.

It’s also time to see your own lawyer, in case things can’t be healed. You’re in deep trouble with her because of the cheating, but your boys do still deserve to see their dad in the event of a separation and divorce. You may have to fight for your share of time with them now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently heard a woman speaking with an accent that sounded familiar to me at The Forks. I went looking for the source and it was an older woman holding her young granddaughter. I asked her what language she was speaking, and she told me it was Mandarin Chinese.

I asked her if she’d be willing to speak to me in Mandarin very slowly. She laughed, but then she spoke. Here’s the strange part: I was understanding some of it! She was amazed, too.

I do have distant Chinese relatives in Vancouver, but I haven’t seen them for years. I was brought up here, after age three.

Would it be crazy to start studying Mandarin? I’m suddenly becoming very interested, but my close family here is acting threatened, and telling me it’s a silly idea.

— Strange Curiosity, North Tuxedo

Dear Strange Curiosity: Why not get involved and see what comes to light? Don’t let people guilt or shame you for wanting to learn something, especially when it’s part of your heritage.

The Manitoba Academy of Chinese Studies (manitobachinesestudies.com) offers Mandarin Chinese language classes — for both adults and children — at Grant Park High School. Fall courses will be starting soon there.

You could also look online or on social media for language tutors or even for Mandarin speakers who may be looking to do a conversational language exchange.

The City of Winnipeg’s website has a good list of language resources, including recommended apps and exchange opportunities (guides.wpl.winnipeg.ca/languages/websitesandapps).

If you’re really serious, you could even look into taking an introductory course at the University of Winnipeg or University of Manitoba. Good luck on your learning journey!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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