Put hot conference affair in rear-view mirror

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met an exciting woman at a conference in Winnipeg and took her everywhere to show her the sights. But since she has gone home to her own province, she has virtually disappeared.

She took a lot of photos of me, but she didn’t want photos taken of her. Only a dummy like me wouldn’t have noticed that she wasn’t leaving her footprint. She also took phone calls away from our dinner or bar tables. I thought they were business calls, but now I know better.

I realize now she was able to fool me because she seemed so interested in me and my life, and I was answering all her questions. I felt very important. What a fool I was!

I just found out about her other life with the help of a friend. It helps to know the truth, but it doesn’t erase the pain of falling head-over-heels only to find out you were used for fun by an out-of-towner just here for some laughs.

What can you do to get over a huge crush with a bewitching woman when she is just playing with you and has another partner at home?

— Feeling Used! Exchange District

Dear Feeling Used: It’s sad that the wonderful memories of the time with someone who felt like an exciting new romance have been tainted.

Take solace in the likelihood that she probably had a wonderful time with you and perhaps does not have a wonderful life back home. That does not mean you chase after her, or even want to see her face again. She did betray you, as well as whoever else might be in her home life, and that’s just ugly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a houseful of pets, including dogs, cats and a very noisy bird.

My neighbour across the road keeps coming over to my acreage, which he calls “The Zoo.” He has lots of hot tips and he can’t seem to stay home at his own place. He works online and I realize he’s lonely.

He particularly likes my cats and has a big affection for the fat one who is pregnant and about to give birth. He has even hinted he would like to help take care of her babies. I’m tempted to ask him if he would take a couple of them on when they’re ready to be weaned. Actually, he’d probably like to keep some himself. What do you think?

— Country Zoo, Interlake

Dear Country Zoo: That situation might be good for everybody, but first try your neighbour out as a babysitter at your place for the mama cat and kittens when they arrive. Stick around the first hour or so to see how he does.

If that goes well, talk to him about taking on a couple of kittens when time comes for them to leave their mother. That might be just what he needs to warm up his life.

He may also want to keep their mother — if you’ll let her go — as he already has a lot of affection for her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I always knew my husband adored his first wife, until she left him for another person. He never really understood what happened. One day she just said to him that her first love had returned and she couldn’t stay as his wife anymore.

They had no children because they scarcely had a sex life; he thought it must be his fault.

The mystery unravelled further when it came out that she left him for a woman she had secretly loved in college. My husband still has nasty dreams about being tricked by people — particularly women — and he really needs to get past them. How can I help?

— Caring New Wife, St. James

Dear Caring New Wife: It’s one thing to be tricked by a stranger and quite another to be betrayed by a person you loved and trusted. That pain is a direct stab to the heart.

Your husband could really benefit by seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist who specializes in dream analysis to help him sort all this out so he can stop fearing another betrayal of this magnitude in his life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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