Slob makes a bad match for pig

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This article was published 14/03/2017 (3162 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend eats and talks with his mouth open and I can see what’s sloshing around in there as he gets excited about his latest idea.

I really like this guy, but this one habit drives me crazy. The other day we were out for dinner and I got so upset I said: “I can see your salad and the dressing while you’re chewing and talking to me, and it’s making me feel kind of sick.”

He got really mad. Then he started saying insulting things about the way I leave my old underwear and stinky socks on the floor of my bedroom. I told him it was my bedroom and he said that I wanted him to go in it. He called me a slob and I said he had the manners of a pig.

Now he’s put us on a break and I know he has an old girlfriend who would love to get him back. Please help!

— The Slob, Charleswood

Dear Slob: Call him up now, as there’s no time to lose on “breaks.” You may want to work it out, or you may want to take a permanent break. The term “slob” and the phrase “manners of a pig” require apology and need to be taken back, if possible. Then, in softer language, you both need to talk about your hopes for this relationship.

If it’s just a fun relationship and not the big L, you should end it now. In fact, he may have come to that conclusion already, as he suggested the break and has an old girlfriend panting at the ready.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a strange, angry woman with crazy ideas and a memory that comes and goes. She barely recognizes me sometimes. Sometimes she yells and says awful things.

I no longer have to live with her, and she is well-looked-after. Finally my world has come clear because, in part, her world was my reality when I had to live with her.

I go to visit her regularly, but need to find a way to get my equilibrium back after a visit. I’ve tried talking to my partner after visits, but that just puts the bad feelings onto him, too. I’ve tried going to the gym alone and running it off, but I get only partial release. What else can I do?

— Need a Natural Upper, St. James

Dear Need a Natural Upper: You need a practice you can do every time you leave your mother. Chanting in the car on the way home, or internally if you’re on a bus, can help. For instance, you could say 10 times as you walk away from the place where she lives, “Mom is in a safe place. She is well-looked-after,” followed by “I’m with a good man in a happy relationship,” followed by “I’m going to do something fun and uplifting” another 10 times. Repeat, if you need to. This may seem simplistic, but it can change your mind like changing the radio dial to a new station.

Then, you may want to turn on some happy music or spoken-word programming. It would be good if you could time your meetings with mom for just before you meet your partner or a friend for an activity that requires some physicality and interaction, such as bowling, dancing, shopping, playing music or running with a group.

If you know a pleasant social/physical activity will follow after seeing your mother, you won’t dread those visits so much.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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