Dating unknown cousin of ex-husband is fair game

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This article was published 17/03/2017 (3492 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a strangely familiar good-looking guy at an event a month ago and we made a date to go out for dinner the week after. I was strongly attracted to him — it felt like we had been together before, yet we hadn’t. We went out for a few weeks and my mind was starting to fuss up. There was something about his stance, the eyebrows, the depth of his voice, the laugh and the way he turned his head when surprised. One night he told me he was adopted.

I went to sleep thinking about that. Then the answer came to me in the middle of the night. The resemblance, even though it wasn’t his features, height or colouring, was of my ex-husband of all people! The next day, I called my ex. He’s married again and we’re friends. I was embarrassed, but told him about this mystery and asked about possibilities. He said he would talk to his mother.

It turns out his mom’s sister had a baby when she was a teenager and the child would be exactly the same age as the guy I met. He was adopted out privately and they knew the family’s surname. My ex’s mom (who still loves me) told the name to my ex to tell only me and the last name matches. When I told my new guy, he was shocked. He told me he had never made any effort to meet the birth mother because he loved his adoptive parents.

But, that makes him my ex-husband’s cousin! Do you think there’s anything wrong or creepy about that? Why would I choose someone who has the same family blood as my ex? Am I a sicko? God knows that mating didn’t work out, except in bed.

— Feeling Weird, Wolseley

Dear Feeling Weird: There’s nothing unusual about having an attraction to a certain type, and this new man is no more related to you than your ex-husband was. Obviously, the chemistry suits. Maybe this is a way to have what you liked about your first husband, but with a better personality match.

Some people choose the same physical type over and over again, and people who know them over time will comment, “There goes so-and-so with another tall, long-legged redhead with a low voice.” Enjoy this guy, but don’t push any meetings with the aunt who gave birth to him as a teen. He’s not looking for that, nor is she, or it would have happened by now. If you two stay together, it might happen in time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year, I met a fun guy in the St. Patrick’s parade. We met on the route and walked it together, with his two friends. We had a drink after and talked and joked around. Then he said he had to go meet somebody and was gone in a flash. I’ve been thinking about him all year. The parade is coming up on Saturday and I am wondering if I should go again and look for him, or if that would be too bold considering he didn’t ask for my name or number.

— Still Liking Him! North End

Dear Still Liking Him: Chase down that leprechaun! Maybe he had a girlfriend last year and knew he was going to get into trouble if he spent more time with you. Perhaps he’ll be looking for you this year, so be positive! The parade location has changed, so get yourself to The Irish Association at 654 Erin St. before 2 p.m. for assembly and lineup for the 3 p.m. Put extra effort into dressing up, so you’ll get noticed by everyone, but make sure your face and hair shows, so he recognizes you.

Should you clap eyes on him, dash over and say, “Hello again! How have you been?” Then comment on his costume (if he’s wearing one) and get a conversation going. Ask him for his name and if he wants to have a drink after or during the week. If he says no, ask him if he has a girlfriend. If he says yes or makes a lame excuse, at least your curiosity will be satisfied and you won’t be pining over that wee man anymore.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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