Entice partner to reveal sexy fantasies

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This article was published 05/04/2017 (3468 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my man and I are kissing, he tells me I give him some extremely sexy ideas of things he would like to do to me, but never does and he won’t even tell me what they are, even when we’re in the bedroom. He says he doesn’t know how far I want to go. How in the world will he ever know if he doesn’t tell me? I’m not a mind-reader. I know he’s reading this right now because this is one of his favourite columns. How do I get him to talk to me about this subject?

— 45 and Frustrated, Winnipeg

Dear 45 and Frustrated: It sounds like he’s a little shy. Make the room as dark as possible. Start things happening by whispering some of your secret fantasies to him as he’s kissing you. That may give him the courage to start expressing his own. Make it into a game of fantasizing back and forth, with the deal being you don’t have to jump right in and act out all your fantasies that night, or maybe ever. You’re free to say anything then.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My grown-up children do not like the new man I am dating. They narrow their eyes and look at him like he’s slime. I have not had a person in my life since their dad passed away a number of months ago, and I really need the company and to be in a man’s arms again. God knows the kids haven’t been coming over to visit much. We saw too much of each other at their dad’s bedside in very tragic circumstances.

They both have partners they love and take comfort from being with them. Why shouldn’t I have someone to comfort me?

— Upset By Rude Behaviour, Winnipeg

Dear Upset By Rude Behaviour: They might be OK with the comfort of a friend, but let’s be frank: your kids are upset by what they consider your rude behaviour. This guy may be a nice enough man, but I suspect your hasty timing is the problem. Something tells me there’s a reason why you didn’t say the exact number of months since you replaced the kids’ dad in their family home. These grown-up children may be wondering if you were seeing the new guy before their father even died, and perhaps sleeping with him, too. Has he been spending a lot of time in your house? Did your kids come over for dinner and see him sitting in dad’s recliner, sitting at dad’s spot at the table, staying to sleep there after?

It’s true a lot of people mourn the death of their marriage partners long before the person actually dies, and when the suffering is over, they are understandably relieved. Sometimes the partner left behind — such as you — has already gone through a lot of pain and loneliness watching their loved one suffer. Some widows and widowers can’t wait to rejoin life and it all it has to offer.

But for kids, no matter what age they are, a remaining parent’s hasty romantic behaviour can really hurt, and the sexual behaviour can make them feel disgusted. You would be best to conduct your new relationship at this man’s place, for a time, and keep it low-key. And, for your own sake, don’t start pampering this guy like crazy to try to get him to marry you. Marriages made too quickly after a partner’s death often are headed for trouble.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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