Wife tired of riding circus pony in the bedroom

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This article was published 13/05/2017 (3101 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband likes me to get on him and play circus pony. I used to think it was kind of entertaining, but now I just find it tiresome. I don’t mind some kinky sex play, but I find it’s too often about playing to his unusual fantasies. He also likes me to de-personalize him and use him as a footstool, or put a tray of drinks on his back so he can serve me like a table. I just don’t get it, but when we were very young and playful it was kind of crazy, so whatever he wanted was fine. But now we’re in our 30s, it feels tired and old. How do I tell him I’m tired of his boring old games?

— Yawning, St. Boniface

Dear Yawning: It’s your turn to create the sex menu. For years you’ve been going along with his fantasy scenes to do with power exchanges and you’re bored. He may also be bored of being your footstool, but it’s still more interesting than “radio sex” — turning two or three buttons and hoping to get you excited. So why don’t you research some unusual new fantasies of your own and introduce him to things that turn you on?

A book called Different Loving by Gloria Brame, Jon Jacobs and William Brame explains a whole panorama of sex scenes involving the exchange of power games: what’s enjoyed by certain people and why. You might want to investigate together the parts of that book that turn you both on. Accept that some new adventures will be exciting and others will just make one or both of you laugh. There is nothing wrong with laughing and then turning to a different section of the book.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lost my new love by one late flight. My flight home to Winnipeg from Toronto was going to be late, so I asked my older female cousin to please pick up my gorgeous new guy from the airport (he was coming to the city from up north) and she picked him up all right. She took him home to her place and gave him “service” I was too young to give him. She’s 28.

I told them both where to go after he confessed what happened: she got him drunk and he lost his mind and was used by my disgusting pig of a cousin, who was all over him. I was too hurt to listen to that. He had told me just two weeks before he was in love with me, but now he’s staying with her and they have a big hot thing going and I’m hurting so bad. What can you tell me to make it better? I need help so much.

— Lost Him to My Cousin, Winnipeg

Dear Lost Him to My Cousin: Something’s missing in this story. We know about your feelings and that he says your cousin took him home and seduced him. Sounds fishy to me! How did she force him to take his clothes off and betray you, his new love, who was just hours away? And why is he still with her now? The truth is he likes her more than he first confessed to you — or he wouldn’t still be there. He bears at least half the responsibility.

By the way, that was not love you had with him, so you didn’t lose as much as you thought. Love is not that weak.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a certain kind of husband who makes every female sick, and my best friend has one. The guy sucks up to her publicly because he has been a lousy husband privately and he’s trying to maximize his brownie points.

He has been a drinker, a druggie and a liar through their whole marriage, but he has always laid it on when people come over about what an incredible cook she is, how he fell for her the first time he met her and blah blah blah. Why she stays with him is anybody’s guess. Also, he always tries to hang out when she has friends over. He offers to make the drinks and serve them, so he can stick around. We just yell “Out! Out! No men allowed!” What’s up with him?

— Don’t Get Him, St. Vital

Dear Don’t Get Him: He’s afraid she’ll talk about his dark side when he’s gone and the women will encourage her to leave him. No matter what sneaky crap he pulls, he’s a very dependent guy who knows he doesn’t deserve his wife and is scared if he lost her he would never get anyone else that good or talented, and certainly not someone who will put up with him and mother him with the cooking, the baking and even the scolding.

Ask her point blank why she stays and keep pushing her for an answer until you get one. She knows why she stays, and maybe when you find out, you’ll be able to let it go. You don’t have to like a friend’s husband to continue liking her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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