Cook your own food, don’t make a stink

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/05/2017 (3420 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate dinner my new boyfriend made for me on the barbecue, even though I knew my system couldn’t handle the black stuff on the steaks from the grilling rack. I ate it to not make waves, and because I really have a crush on this guy. Half an hour later, I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom several times with 10 minutes in between. There was no deodorant spray. I made his small apartment smell worse than a skunk.

It was so embarrassing. I went home early, and he’s not calling. Who can blame him? The thing is, I don’t know how to say no to people about food they’re trying to serve me. Summer barbecue season is the worst for me. Help! — Apologetic Skunk, St. Vital

Dear Apologetic Skunk: Take back your power. If you get pushed into a barbecue situation, explain that you will bring your own food already cooked with enough to share. But as a rule, rather than putting yourself in situations where you have to explain, suggest other places you would really like to go and eat.

Invite boyfriends over to your place for dinner, where you make the food and can also eat every dish on the table. The point is to get together with a guy, get to know one another deeply and have fun. Guys are usually glad to eat whatever’s cooked, if it’s tasty and there’s lots of it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I moved into my daughter’s house while she was away for the weekend. I got kicked out of my place because I was two weeks late on the rent. Because I had a key to my daughter’s house, I got my boyfriend to help me take all my stuff over to her place in his truck and put it in the spare bedroom in the basement.

When my daughter came home, she blew a gasket. I expected that. Luckily, I wasn’t drinking that night or I would have told her off. She says I can only stay until the end of the month, but I don’t have any money to get a new place. My boyfriend told her I can move in with him, but then I won’t have much freedom. What do you think? — Almost Homeless Mother, Transcona

Dear Almost Homeless Mother: You have to go where you’re invited. Your daughter has told you to get out by the end of this month and your boyfriend has invited you to his place. There’s no choice here at the moment, so go with the flow. Check out social-assistance possibilities and start looking in earnest for a job. Face facts: your daughter is not keeping you at her place, period!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I like having fast sex and my boyfriend thinks I’m just saying that. He thinks I’m lying because he says all women complain it’s over too fast. I like lots of sexy words and some necking and touching and then intercourse with a big orgasm and cuddling after.

And I just want sex once in a night. I am a delicate woman with delicate tissues and sometimes get painful irritation, but I’m highly orgasmic. I can’t seem to get that through his thick skull. Help! — Delicate But Passionate, Westwood

Dear Delicate But Passionate: It’s time for a speech, and here’s a script: “I’m not like any other woman you have talked to or read about. I don’t like prolonged foreplay. It makes me impatient and uncomfortable and sometimes irritates me. I like a truly passionate feeling from sexy words, with some necking and touching and then fast, passionate intercourse and cuddling afterwards. Is this all right with you? Because if it isn’t, we have a problem. Maybe you need a woman who likes a slow hand and an easy touch, like the old song.”

Then wander out to the kitchen and get both of you a drink and let that new information sift through his brain to a conclusion.

P.S. Consider using a long-acting vaginal moisturizer like Replens, so your tissues don’t get easily irritated.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography