Husband won’t let wife see him naked

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This article was published 26/05/2017 (3396 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I think my husband has a secret problem. He doesn’t want me to see him naked. I don’t know what he’s hiding from me that I haven’t seen before. He did this about two months ago and covered up for about 10 days. Now he’s doing it again. During these times, he doesn’t want sex either and wears long pyjamas, which he never does ordinarily. (He often likes to swan around the house naked.) This covering-up/no-sex nonsense is so unlike him. What could possibly be wrong?

— What’s He Hiding?, Winnipeg

Dear What’s He Hiding: Since you didn’t go after him for an explanation the last time, he may be hoping he can pull the pyjamas/don’t-touch-me routine again and not be quizzed this time as well. It’s hard to say definitely why he is doing this, but bruises take a week or so to go through their parade of colours and fade away. He could be hiding bruising or bandages from medical treatments.

Or perhaps he is having an affair and he has love bites or evidence of other sexual practices he’s involved in elsewhere.

It’s really time to talk to him about the possibilities that are worrying you. If he hears the truth face to face, it will be hard for him to lie or keep silent. If he hears something ludicrous, he will automatically deny it. When you’re asking him, guess all the possibilities you can think of, no matter how remote. A person who is trying to keep a secret often gives away a reaction to the truth with an involuntary jerk somewhere in the body.

But be prepared for him to tell you just about anything to hide what’s really going on if he thinks the truth will make his world collapse. That’s human nature.

If you don’t think he is being straight with you, you will have to investigate another way. If you suspect something medical and you share the same physician, schedule an appointment for yourself and ask your husband to come with you. If you suspect an affair, you may have to hire a private investigator and have him followed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a bad influence on my teenage children. They like to go to grandma’s place, two doors down, after school. She’s teaching them how to play different kinds of poker and other games, drink mocktails and have a great old time playing for nickels. She has a big water jug full. God knows what this could turn into if it escalates.

She didn’t do that with my brothers and me, but she’s doing it with my kids. She’s teaching them how to drink and gamble — and she’s Mennonite! I told her to quit and she told me it isn’t doing them any harm, so she’s still doing it and I can’t keep them away from her because they are old enough they would just ignore me and sneak over there. They adore her. They invite their friends over there. What can I do?

— Frustrated, Winnipeg

Dear Frustrated: Go over and investigate. If the drinks have booze in them, then make a huge fuss and order everyone home. If they are gambling with much more than grandma’s useless nickels, that’s the end of it. Playing for so little stakes is not very exciting and doesn’t give anybody the kick of adrenalin that gambling for high stakes does, but it makes playing a little more fun.

I think it’s great your kids have such a close and fun relationship with their grandmother. You can bet it fosters a friendship that allows them to talk to her about other things going on in their lives, as well, and they’ll benefit from her comfort and wisdom.

Are you sure you aren’t a tad jealous? If so, sit down, shuffle some cards and get into the game.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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