Find out what happened in bed during blackout

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This article was published 28/05/2017 (3356 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a friend’s cabin last weekend with a group of friends from university, most of us in our late teens and early 20s. It was one big party with beer, hard liquor, lots of liqueurs and smokable treats. We all had way too much to drink, creating shooters and playing drinking games until 3 a.m. Luckily, no one fell off the dock. We did, however, sleep three and four to a bed and things were pretty friendly and uninhibited.

I have some big worries now. I woke up the next morning naked, beside the wrong person. She is also a woman. My boyfriend had driven home angry. My memories are spotty of the whole night, although some things have come back. I’ve never been a blackout drinker before. People made little jabs at me during breakfast about what I’d done to send my boyfriend back to the city.

The woman I woke up with is openly bi. She looked happy and was giving me intimate smiles and lifted eyebrows. That’s not the first time I’ve slept with a woman, but the first time since I started regularly seeing this guy. He’s not answering my messages. I thought he was the one and I was falling in love with him, but I guess it doesn’t feel that way now. Other people at the cabin have since told me he was very upset and had no sense of humour about that kind of partying. I don’t know what to do or say. I was very drunk and just don’t remember. — Memory Blanks, South End

Dear Memory Blanks: Phone up the woman you woke up with and ask her if she remembers what went on that night, so at least you have a second-hand account. If she was awake, ask what she remembers about your boyfriend finding the two of you together. Even if your boyfriend has told people he’s never speaking to you again, try to call him with the apology he deserves. Modern times still require etiquette, and people should be loyal to the date they came with. He was likely shocked, hurt and embarrassed.

Now let’s talk about drinking to the point of blacking out. This should send a big warning signal to you about your own habits and safety. It’s dangerous enough to drink until you’re out of it at home — it’s quite another thing when you’re sleeping with a group of inebriated people and you’re right beside a big body of water.

We won’t get into the perils of driving drunk. We can only hope your boyfriend had sobered up when he took off. Please look up the effects of different amounts of alcohol on a woman of your weight. Shooters are the worst, as they are usually combinations of hard liquor and liqueurs, with nothing to water them down. “I was drunk” may explain thoughtless and hurtful behaviour toward other people, but doesn’t excuse it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: An old lover has moved back to Brandon and is trying to push his way back into my life. On Mother’s Day, he sent my poor old mom a bouquet of flowers to her nursing home. She often doesn’t know who people are at the best of times and we had a devil of a time trying to explain who had written the card to her. I find this all a bit nauseating. This guy was a low-level salesman when I first met him and he always sucked up to people to make sales.

What should I do? — Revolted by Him, Brandon

Dear Revolted by Him: With oily types like this, you have to out their behaviour and be blunt. Your mother is still worried and puzzling over what man sent her flowers and it isn’t funny. Tell him playing up to your mother in this shameless fashion has made you adamant you will have nothing to do with him, ever.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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