Daughter schooled in mother’s manipulative tricks

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This article was published 29/05/2017 (3416 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw something spooky today. I went to visit my girlfriend and she wasn’t home yet, so her mother sat down to talk to me. Just then her husband came in, and she immediately got up and started talking to him in this baby-talk voice, which sounded way too familiar.

It’s exactly the same voice my girlfriend uses on me when she wants to wheedle something out of me, and she plays with my collar while she’s looking into my eyes, the way her mother did to her dad. She gets her way every time! What other tricks did this woman teach her daughter? I don’t think I want to be married to one of these manipulators. Please Help.

— Straight Shooter, River Heights

Dear Straight Shooter: If you like everything else about your girlfriend, tell her you watched your mom manipulating your dad, and outline the those very moves. Tell her you never want that kind of manipulation in your relationship. She may be willing to cut that stuff out, or it may be so ingrained she needs another guy who will fall for it like her dad does. Then, you would be wise to exit stage left, or right, whichever is closest.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was touched by the letter from Not a Substitute Dad, the 12-year-old boy who was nervous about becoming a big brother and having to babysit.

I’d like to add one more idea: part of his anxiety comes from feeling awkward and unsure about how to handle an infant. If he could take a babysitting course at school or through a community centre, he would gain confidence. When he holds the baby, he won’t be afraid he will drop it, and he’ll know some ways to calm a crying baby. If he feels secure with his new brother or sister, the baby will sense his confidence and be more relaxed in his arms.

— Loving Grandma, River Heights

Dear Loving Grandma: Great suggestion. Shortly after your email arrived, another reader wrote in with a place that is offering a course June 10. Details are in the letters below:

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Not a Substitute Dad. Several organizations in the city teach babysitting and newborn-care courses, such as the one at South Winnipeg Family Information Centre, 800 Point Rd., off Pembina Highway.

I took a babysitting course when I was 12 and it really did help. I’m sure if he lets his mother know he would be willing to help with the baby occasionally, but doesn’t feel prepared, and would like to learn a bit about infant care, his mother would love to help him to help her.

— Hope This Helps, Winnipeg

Dear Hope This Helps: Thanks! That babysitting course says it’s designed to “instil confidence” by providing instruction on the the characteristics of a good babysitter, rights and responsibilities of employer and babysitter, understanding and caring for infants/toddlers/preschool and school-age children, accident prevention, dealing with illness and other problems, plus basic first aid. What a big day!

It’s held in the basement of Fort Garry United Church, 800 Point Rd., on June 10 from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and costs $35. It’s designed for anyone 12 and over, or just about to turn 12. All the info is at swfic.org, or call 204-284-9311.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Good day. I’m a regular reader of your column but I suspect I don’t fit the normal demographic of your followers. I’m 74, married for 50 years to the same woman with three children and four grandchildren. I enjoy reading about the often ridiculous life situations some of your contributors find themselves in — usually self-inflicted — and your valiant advice on how to deal with the issues. What prompted this note was that I thought your advice today to the 12-year-old boy (Not a Substitute Dad) was your best response yet. Good Job! — Longtime Reader, Winnipeg

Dear Longtime Reader: Thanks for the appreciation. I got a kick out of your comment on the problems that are “usually self-inflicted.” We humans are not educated on the smartest solutions for personal problems.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Not a Substitute Dad, the 12-year-old boy who was worried he would get saddled with babysitting. I don’t feel your response was really appropriate.

I understand families help each other out and I’m all for that, but the boy’s main responsibility is to go to school, get a good education and enjoy being a kid before he becomes a teenager and goes off to high school. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help, with the supervision of his parents, but it’s not his job to babysit a newborn for his parents. That’s their priority, since they were the ones who decided to have another baby.

— Disagree With Making Young Kids Babysit, Winnipeg

Dear Disagree With Making Young Kids Babysit: Most readers emailed wanting the kid to at least consider taking a babysitting course. I encouraged him to give the baby a chance, as that child will adore him, if he’s at all friendly and kind. I do agree with you that a 12-year-old is too young to do too much of it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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