Pornography can’t replace touch of real woman

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This article was published 27/05/2017 (3378 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love porn. I prefer porn to having sex with my girlfriend, playing video games or going out to movies. I haven’t seen a movie in a theatre for years. But I’m never too tired for my girlfriend any time she wants sex, and I’m not disappointed in her for not being like the porn babes, because how could she be? She’s warm and real and I love her. The problem is my girlfriend feels insulted because I am always in the computer room with the door locked and she can hear the sounds through the door.

Last night she banged on the door and told me in a flat, cold voice she was packing and leaving. I asked why since we are happy and I love her. She said, “You’re happy, but you’re addicted to porn and weed and coke and whisky, so I’m going back to my mom’s. I’m tired of being last on your disgusting list.”

I started to cry. I felt terrible. When she finished packing her suitcases and boxes, she called a friend with a truck who came and got her and her stuff.

I was so upset I went back into the computer room, rolled a joint, watched some more porn and then I felt better — not great, but better. I guess I am just a big addicted loser, like she said.

I love her though. Can’t she see that? How can I get her back? I need her. — Addicted to Her, Osborne Village

Dear Addicted to Her: Usually, something has to hurt enough to make a person want to quit an addiction. A breakup with someone you love can sometimes do that, but drugs, liquor and porn also serve to numb that pain.

Make an appointment with the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba at 204-944-6200 and go in for a visit and an assessment. It’s hard when you’re too stoned to care, so make an appointment for shortly after you usually wake up.

Don’t count on getting this girlfriend back until you’re clean and sober, or perhaps you won’t ever get her back. That’s the chance you take, but at least there’s a chance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in a marriage that is satisfying — for the most part. The one issue is infidelity. My husband has been unfaithful on and off for years.

I recently put some spyware on his computer in order to learn what the situation is. I wasn’t at all surprised when I saw what he’s been up to.

He’s unaware that I’m on to him. I understand people don’t change, and that this situation never will.

In every other respect, the marriage is basically a good one that has stood the test of time. People think I have it all, and for the most part, I really do. I’ve made my own life and am content with my friends and family.

To leave would be complicated and difficult, although I’d certainly get through it. My children, unfortunately, are aware of the situation, and love me to the ends of the earth. They tell me to do what’s good for me.

For now, I plan on leaving things alone; however, I’ve been thinking it may be time to say goodbye. I also know that if I met someone — a quality person with the type of values I have — I would leave. I’ve had opportunities to cheat numerous times, and haven’t. I’m not looking for a good time; I’m looking for a long time. What are your thoughts? — On the Fence, Manitoba

Dear On the Fence: It’s odd you said “if” you met a quality person with the type of values you have, you would leave. In other words, you want the perfect faithful guy ready to go before you ever left your husband. What kind of guy would understand that double standard and put up with it? Answer: a cheater like your husband! You might as well stay with husband No. 1.

You don’t care enough about leaving to get yourself single and then find a faithful guy. And why would you be? You admit you’re not in any hurry to leave, despite your recent spyware action. You don’t get as upset by infidelity as most people. You even say your marriage is “satisfying” and has “stood the test of time.”

I’m guessing there’s a fair bit of money and lifestyle involved with your husband — and maybe even good sex.  Or, maybe you’re just good friends, don’t really enjoy sex with him and are secretly glad he gets it elsewhere.

Plus, the kids see you as a saint (and probably a martyr, too). If you are going to stay then stop talking to the kids about it, as it messes them up. Relax and enjoy the lifestyle you’ve chosen over and over again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new partner on our sales team is a sweetheart of a guy, closing in on 30 and very cute. The manager has asked us to work together and that involves travelling together for a couple of days at a time. That’s fine for me, I’m single, but he’s married with kids. He and I decided we should go for a few drinks and talk about how we’ll manage the sales and the workload on our first trip.

I told him we should get the secretary to book a couple of rooms for our first trip, and he said jokingly, “We could save the company some money and just book one. I’m not that married.” I laughed it off, but got the sense he was only half-kidding. He’s a young turk, married too early for sure and already has three little kids. I don’t need an additional hassle with him, but I love and need this great job. How do I handle Mr. Hot Pants on the road? — Strictly Business, Industrial Area

Dear Strictly Business: Mr. H.P. was on a fishing expedition, but instead of putting him straight in a nice way, you laughed it off. For a guy like him, that’s a signal the door’s half open. Call another lunch meeting outside work to go over the final details about your first business trip together and tell him nicely where you stand. Let him know you’re all in favour of people’s marriages and always want to support them. Tell him you would like to meet his wife and kids and that you’ll be a friend, but nothing more than workmates, no matter how far away you travel. He might not like it, but he’ll have to respect it. And so do you! No “just this once” nonsense after too many drinks over dinner celebrating a big sale.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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