Wife caught in lie about holiday

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This article was published 09/08/2017 (3294 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found out something terrible about my wife. She told me she went with her girlfriend a year ago (when we we already married) on a holiday to the Caribbean. It was just for a week. I totally trusted her. But I was cleaning out the basement and found some forgotten old tickets, and her companion’s, too — and that person was a freakin’ guy! I remember she was adamant I not drive her to the airport at such a ridiculous hour. Worse still, the guy is someone I know.

What else is she hiding? I tried to play the waiting game. I didn’t know what to say. So last week I asked her how she enjoyed her holiday with this guy, and named him, and her face went white.

She tried to find the words to deny it. I held up the papers. Caught!

I yelled at her to get out and she grabbed a few clothes and went to her sister’s house. That’s when I finally broke down. Now she’s phoning and crying and wanting to go for counselling. I don’t want to go anywhere with someone who would lie to me and make a fool of me like that. I packed up her stuff and told her sister’s husband to come and get it. He did and he said as he got into the truck that he didn’t blame me, and that he knew about it a long time ago, but wasn’t allowed to tell me. He apologized.

Wasn’t allowed? What a wimp! He should have told me. Why didn’t somebody who gave a damn about me tell me the real truth about my life? How many people knew? How many girlfriends were laughing at what my wife pulled off? What about the guy she went with? What can I do about him? I’m not going to jail over him, so he’s safe from a beating. And he can have her. But should I tell his wife? That’s the big question. Nobody has any kids yet. — Turning 30 and Totally Miserable, Winnipeg

Dear Turning 30 and Totally Miserable: There’s cheating and there’s cheating. This was not a one night drunken slip-up that nobody knew about — this was planned, two spouses were betrayed, it cost a lot of money and the cheating couple went out of the country to a romantic location, like a honeymoon. You’re probably right that a few of your wife’s friends knew about it, and some family, such as your brother-in-law, also came to know of it.

No wonder you are so finished, or think you are (though we all know people who have crawled back to each other after worse than this). You might want to tell the guy’s wife. She really needs to know before she has kids with this cheater. It’s a good thing you don’t have any children, either. When you get past this mourning — counselling can help to speed things up — you won’t be too old for a much better marriage and kids.

It’s time now to see your accountant and find a good domestic lawyer, and get the ball rolling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wanted to lose my virginity this summer. I even got on the pill for a couple months, and now my boyfriend has broken up with me. It took a long while to build up the trust, and now I have to start all over again with someone else! I am 17 and, believe me, I am good and ready. I have read a lot of books and my two best friends have both done it. One liked it, and the other one not so much. I am the only one with a big V for virgin on my forehead still. Now what? — Big Loser, North Winnipeg

Dear Big Loser: So, things got delayed. Big deal. Being a real loser would be jumping into bed with someone — anyone — just to get the deed done so you could join the non-virgin club and talk about the experience. Waiting for the right time with the right guy who cares about you makes a lot of sense. Then it will be memorable, not a big disappointment.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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