Meeting old blast from past something that couldn’t last

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/09/2017 (3290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a beautiful woman at the movies standing in line to get tickets, waiting for her girlfriend to show up. We talked a lot. I told her I had a feeling I knew her from somewhere. She felt the same. I slipped my business card in her pocket and she called me the next day. She had gone back in our yearbooks and found me two grades in front of her. I was a musician at that time (skinny, with long hair) and we played at school dances. She admitted she had a little crush on me in high school. I asked her for dinner and we went out and had a great time talking about our lives. I kissed her goodnight before she got into her car. It was a great kiss and there was a world of passion in that kiss, but I called her three times after, and she didn’t answer her cell. Weird!

I started doing a little investigating and found her house address and drove by (not cool, I admit) and she was out in the front yard with this man her age, raking leaves. He put his arm around her shoulders, as they looked up a tree. It had to be her partner. Why did she go out with me in the first place if she was married or living with a guy? Come to think of it, I never mentioned my marital status either. It was like a time warp.

— Puzzled and Disappointed, West Kildonan

Dear Puzzled and Disappointed: Many people have unfulfilled crushes from their earlier lives. Agreeing to go to dinner with you was probably fuelled by this woman’s curiosity. She may even love her partner, but she wanted to know about your life, what she missed not knowing you, what happened with your music, your earlier love life and your work. It’s interesting that neither of you asked about your current marital status at dinner. Part of the time-warp feeling? Didn’t want to know? As for the passionate kiss, that was an expression of all she felt — a hello and a sad goodbye kiss, all in one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got a shock and I don’t know who to tell, so I’m telling you. My sister is not my real sister! She’s the newborn my mother took in and raised just before we moved to Manitoba. I was the first baby and less than three at the time, so all I knew was I got a new baby sister. She even looked like me.

As it turns out, she was the result of my young aunt’s teenage pregnancy with a guy she didn’t know well. My sister is actually my cousin. I found out when my grandmother got drunk with her best friend playing cards in the kitchen. I was staying over and trying to read upstairs, but they got loud and I heard them talking about the secret. So now I know, but my sister doesn’t know the truth. Should I tell her this secret (we talk about everything) or do I have to keep it hidden for life? It’s killing me not to talk about it with somebody. Help!

— Caught Up in the Big Lie, Brandon

Dear Caught Up in the Big Lie: The appropriate person to talk to about the secret is your mother. Ask her when you’re alone and there is privacy in case of tears, anger and whatever emotions this hidden information brings up. If it’s a shock to you, imagine what a shock this information will be someday to your sister/cousin. Maybe it’s best for her not to know until she has the maturity to deal with it.

Has her biological mom been around during her upbringing at all, or was she living far away? You will know how young your aunt was when she had this pregnancy. If you need to make some peace with this, try to imagine yourself pregnant at the same age your young aunt was. Imagine the terror she must have felt knowing she was going to go through a pregnancy and have a baby, and then the relief when her sister — not a total stranger — offered to take her baby in. Carrying this secret for a few more years or perhaps longer may be the hardest thing you’ll ever be asked to do. To relieve some of the pressure, make a pact with your mother that you two will talk about the secret, in detail and in privacy, whenever you need to, until your sister/cousin is told.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography