Wife turned on by husband’s new forcefulness

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This article was published 27/09/2017 (2950 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have stopped asking for permission to do things from my wife. She has bossed me around for years and finally my brother asked me why I am such a wuss around her. I even ask her for permission to use the bathroom. She rolls her eyes and says: “Just use it!”

Why am I so excessively polite?

After my brother noticed, I began to see what a pantywaist I was and know it came from my mother, who was a dragon and kept us all afraid of her. Here’s the weird thing: my wife, who has been ho-hum about sex with me for years, likes my new rebellious behaviour and has started flirting with me.

We were in bed the other night and she asked me where my new caveman behaviour came from because she liked it. Who knew? We talked about it and she said, “I’m willing to try anything you want to try!” I had to resist the habit of asking her precisely what she wanted.

Today I went to a bookshop and bought a crazy book. I left one lying on her pillow with a page bent over. When I came home, the book was gone and she had left a note saying, “Gone to a XXX store.” Why didn’t she ever tell me this is what she wanted before? I think we have wasted a lot of time. Do you have any suggestions or warnings for launching this?

— Not Her Wuss Anymore, River Heights

Dear Not Her Wuss Anymore: It sounds like your wife didn’t like your wussy behaviour and it looks like you’re about to make up for lost time. Just don’t give in to your tendency to say, “Yes, mistress,” when she seems to be turned on by your new dominant behaviour. Then you would be back where you started.

There are all kinds of how-to books in the sex sections of bigger bookstores and sex shops. Some are packaged to give you 365 sex-scene ideas for the year, and others explore the psychology of all kinds of sexual scenes, and how to conduct them. You can also find a big selection of sex manuals on Amazon and have the books delivered to your door.

The more you know about sex, the more your curiosity and appetite will grow. Stores such as Love Nest carry books, vibrators, outfits, lotions and potions. Their store on Taylor Avenue has opaque ocean waves on the windows so people walking by can’t see who’s inside.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is coming from Vancouver to visit me and my girlfriend. The last time she came, she asked sweetly if we “children” could sleep on the sofa bed in the living room so she could have our bed, as she has back issues. It was the first time I ever heard of her having back problems. My girlfriend was really put out, and says she will not move out of our bedroom this time.

Is this a good idea? Should I tell my mom she does not get our bedroom, but we could find her a hotel or a bed and breakfast where she could have her own room while she’s here. Plus, I have to tell her we’re not paying because we can’t afford it.

I know that no matter how I phrase it, there’s going to be some trouble. Should I give in to my mother who suffers from a severe case of entitlement? This morning my girlfriend, who is very agitated over this, told me to get on the phone or email my mom to get it over with. — Sleeping Quarters Hassle, Downtown

Dear Sleeping Quarters Hassle: Do your research on hotels and bed and breakfasts in the city and call your mom with the new situation and specific recommendations for places she could book. If she decides to push back at this and says she’s not coming, so be it. Casually express your regrets, and say you’ll see her another time. You are her son and she won’t keep that up forever.

It’s time you two stepped out of any roles where your mom would dream of identifying you as “children.” It’s time to take an adult stand. This is not your girlfriend’s responsibility. You may have to tell mom it made you very uncomfortable to be put out of your own room last time. It would be better to phone. Online, words can come across as cold and harsh, with no voice to soften them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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