Lack of dates due to daughter’s unapproachability

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This article was published 22/09/2017 (2955 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have two daughters. One is fairly attractive with piercing dark features and a big butt. She is really emotional and feisty. Since she was a child, she has attracted guys like there is no tomorrow. She treats them like utter garbage a lot of the time, but they follow her around like puppy dogs.

My other daughter is stunning, has done some modelling and everyone always comments on her beauty. She is is a happy, friendly, chatty girl involved in many activities, but decent men never take the time to pursue her. She has only had one boyfriend, and he was small and controlling.

So why does the first one get all the handsome good guys calling and fawning over her, while the other one gets some distant hoots and hollers, but nobody really makes a move beyond that? — Their Confused Mom, Manitoba

Dear Their Confused Mom: It comes down to being approachable or unapproachable. Beauty with a few flaws is less intimidating to most guys than extraordinary beauty with no flaws. A male admirer thinks he can possibly measure up to an imperfect, but still very attractive, woman, but it’s harder when the woman is perfect and it might be a lot of work to try to be her perfect man. 

Then there’s sexual perception. The feisty one’s revved-up energy is often translated as sexual energy versus your other daughter’s gentle energy, which gives off a cooler vibe. I’m sorry all you can do is stand by and watch.

Is your daughter who gets less attention upset about her situation? Maybe she would feel unhappy and intimidated by the kind of overt attention her sister gets. You say she’s happy and chatty, so stop worrying. She may not have a lot of boyfriends, but it only takes one winner, and he may be coming along soon.

So use this time to teach her about the guys such as that little controller who wants to prove he’s a big shot by being with someone who’s a beauty inside and out, and then stealing her self-esteem. And also teach her what the good guys are like, and that she may have to do the choosing and give the right one a little nudge by starting a conversation with him. She may end up being a wise CEO of her own love life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I would like to comment on the letter from Looking for an Older Woman, who was tired of woman his own age and wanted to get together with someone more experienced. This younger guy sounds like he is only looking for an interim lover/friend. He casually mentions children.

I would have liked you to mention to him that if he hooked up with a single parent the children have to really be considered. Kids can get very attached to someone who seems like a father figure in their lives. He needs to be careful of how he represents himself to them and consider their feelings. — Concerned About Kids, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned About Kids: It can go three ways. The children of a single parent can enthusiastically attach to a new boyfriend of their mom’s and fall in love with him right off the hop. In other cases, they might hate a boyfriend because he”s a true jerk and want to kick him to the curb. Kids often have good radar. Or they might infinitely prefer their participating biological dad who lives nearby, and not care that much about mom’s boyfriend. And sometimes the biological dad feeds poison to the kids about the new man involved and they hate him because their dad hates him.

A younger guy who wants to have an interim older lover/friend would be best to look for a woman who doesn’t have kids in the house who could be affected. But if that is not the case, I agree with you, the couple must be very careful about how things are handled with the kids. If he plans to have a fun and sexy fling with this single mom and move on — and she’s OK with this — then it’s best carried on at his place, especially the sexual aspect.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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