Battling bulge at workplace a hard problem

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This article was published 20/11/2017 (3170 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a female manager with an employee who is constantly and obviously aroused. He wears tight clothes and likes people to get an eyeful, I’m sure of it. Everybody on staff has noticed it and they’ve been making comments behind his back. I have received a couple of heads-up comments, but no formal complaints though. Who would want to write that up for management?

I have studied this for a week now, and have seen people whispering about him after he passes. He seems to wear a little smile as if he enjoys being shocking, but then I might be imagining that. It’s distracting once you have it pointed out to you. There are a lot of young women working here. How do I approach him about this? He’s one of the best of my best employees and there is no reason to squeeze him out.

— Difficult Situation, Winnipeg

Dear Difficult Situation: This is a touchy situation that can’t be addressed alone with the employee. Two people — perhaps two men but not two women — should talk to him about it (just as a woman who is showing a lot of cleavage should not to be talked to by two men). It would be awkward and possibly put the admin person in jeopardy because it might be misconstrued as sexual harassment.

It could be that the guy has a big build. It’s hard to imagine him aroused all the time while he’s at work, unless it’s from the thrill of shocking people. It would be helpful to hear from anyone in the working world, particularly those in human resources who have had to deal with inappropriate dress and behaviour. Please write in to the address below with suggestions on how to deal with something like this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love listening to the birds in the morning and will often get up at dawn, make tea, come back to the bedroom and open the window to listen to the birds. My husband doesn’t appreciate the interruptions to his sleep, nor the cold air. I think he lacks romance and a love of nature!

He had the nerve to tell me this morning to shut the window and go listen to bird brains in another room. We have only been married a while and I want him to be with me, sharing all the pleasures of my life. Who is right?

— Hurt and Angry, Tuxedo

Dear Hurt and Angry: Sorry, dear newlywed, your husband is right on this one. Let the poor man sleep! Now that he’s married to you and sharing a bedroom with you full time, he deserves to get enough sleep in a comfortable temperature.

He doesn’t have to become your partner in every single thing you do, even if that activity is a great pleasure to you. You listened to the birds before you met him, so find yourself another window and a comfy chair with a blanket, and make it your great private pleasure again.

By the way, do you also keep him up late making love at night? Good! Keep the candle burning at that end, and sacrifice the other end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m living with a slob, and I’m also a slob, so we should be totally happy about this since we understand each other and don’t have nagging partners. But we want to have some Christmas parties and don’t know what to do. We used to be married to people who got mad and cleaned the place every couple of weeks. Now we’re happy, but kind of isolated because of the state of the house. We keep telling each other we have to put in about 16 hours of sorting and cleaning all our great junk, but we both work full time. Help!

— Too Messy to Invite Friends, Charleswood

Dear Too Messy to Invite Friends: Good news! You don’t have to do the cleaning — a professional service will bring their giant vacuums, cleaning products and personnel to your house. You will have to sort things out together as you can’t expect strangers to go through all your stuff, and who would want that invasion of privacy? So put your funds together, hire a cleaning company and relax.

Meanwhile, consider throwing everything that needs sorting into giant garbage bags and then tackling one together, over snacks and refreshments, every few nights. You’ll be done in two weeks and ready for the cleaners by the end of the month. If you aren’t done sorting, don’t fret. Hide the unfinished bags in your basement while the cleaners are there, and continue sorting after they leave. Happy party time!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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