Not sleeping together would arouse suspicion

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This article was published 18/01/2018 (3181 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is a problem. She has a vast sexual appetite which I can’t, and don’t want, to satisfy anymore.

I have welcomed her to go out and find some partners who will, as I’m tired of the whole situation. I love her as a family member and want the best for her, but there is no romance left for her in my soul.

She is a good mother and none of this spills back onto our family life, but she is a demanding lover who has left me tired for work more mornings than not over the years.

Frankly, I don’t care who she finds to play her games with — I just want to be removed from it all and gain back my health and good humour.

I’m thinking of moving out of our bedroom, but she says the kids will suspect there’s something wrong.

Actually, I don’t even snore so we can’t blame it on that. They are teenagers and not stupid. In another couple of years they will move out and she thinks I should at least wait until they’re gone before I move to the basement. What do you think?

— Dying To Move Downstairs, Tuxedo

Dear Dying to Move Downstairs: Something is definitely wrong in the marriage, and your kids would be right to deduce that.

They may already have picked up on much more than you think. Before you do anything, you should get into some marriage counselling.

Hastily moving to another level of the house is going to cause an upset in the whole place, particularly with your kids.

They’re not likely to buy a “dad snores” excuse because it’s not the truth. If it were, everyone would be suffering from the sound. It is logical for kids to wonder what the next move on the chess board will be if you move out of the marital bedroom. Will their parents be splitting?

It sounds like that’s a real possibility down the road. You just want this woman off your back — and your front — so you can sleep.

The best compromise might be to hire a carpenter to create adjoining rooms and have somebody else move downstairs. Teenagers usually love going downstairs and building their own private digs. And start the marriage counselling now.

Even if the end game is to exit this relationship, you need to work out as many of the problems between the two of you for the sake of your entire family, and so the breakup, if there is one, is amicable instead of nasty and hurtful.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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