Make life easier by making up with nasty mom

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This article was published 10/04/2018 (3053 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I missed out on having a happy Easter with my soon-to-be fiancée. My mother decided to throw a fit because I wasn’t going home to Winkler for church and Easter dinner. I went instead to my girlfriend’s family in the city. They were great to me but my crazy mother kept phoning my cell to scream at me. I am 29 years old.

My girlfriend’s mom was getting more and more upset, and asked me to put the phone on silent because she was starting to feel guilty for having me over. I did, and sat through a polite but tense dinner, and then left early.

I went home and called the tyrant. But before I called her, I talked to one of my younger brothers who still lives at home, and he said she was in a perfectly fine mood with everyone else. So it was all an act! I was furious. I called and told her that her fake outrage was so disruptive to my hosts I wouldn’t be out to Winkler for a very long time, maybe months. She screamed at me to not ever come back.

Now, who gives in? I’m not going out to her to apologize, and she won’t come to the city. My father is no help. He’s used to her temper and theatrics and won’t mediate. His life wouldn’t be worth much with her, if he interfered and took my side. My dad is a big wimp. What happens now?

— Nervous Son, Winnipeg

Dear Nervous Son: Try something different. Offer to meet your mother in a town in the middle for a peace talk and name a date. If she won’t go for that, suggest a counsellor in a nearby centre such as Carman where she won’t be recognized.

You two can’t go on in a constant state of war (hot or cold) if you want to have a happy life. Insist this problem be resolved while you are still 29, and before she has a coronary.

Yes, it will cost money and you must both pay half the fee to keep it equal. Consider it an investment in the happiness quotient of your life and the life of your future wife and family. No smart woman is going to willingly marry into that mess unless it’s resolved.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regards to your column on ghosting, it’s not always done for cruel reasons: sometimes it’s done for protection. I had a man contact me off of LinkedIn. He was a friendly guy who wanted an online friend, he said. Then he disappeared for a month. He showed up again offering me unlimited support, as I am looking after a sick elderly parent. He offered back little information about himself. He sent a photo, and looks much older than his stated age.

I made it clear I was not going to be interested in dating anyone. He told me he only wanted to be online friends. I started cooling off the contact. He was then asking me daily for a picture and said he had a chiropractor appointment in the city and wanted to meet for coffee. I didn’t reply. Then he told me he knows what area I live in from my LinkedIn account. That info is not even there!

My gut was telling me that as a retired nurse with a pension he was looking for a caregiver. (My career info was on LinkedIn). There was lots of lying going on. I told him that I was really busy and stopped contact with him. It took it a couple of weeks for him to get it. Thankfully I didn’t give him my phone number as he had requested.

— The Ghoster, Manitoba

Dear Ghoster: Relax! You’re not a real ghoster. You told this man you weren’t interested in dating him, and stopped replying to his bids for contact. True ghosting, the nasty kind, occurs when one person is getting along fine with another online, but then that person totally disappears from sight with no explanation and often blocks the ghostee so they can’t even see their presence on Facebook.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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