Drunkenness no excuse for running around on wife

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This article was published 30/04/2018 (3034 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When my wife was away on a two-week trip to visit her parents, I met a woman for a few drinks and lost my control and went to her apartment. We had sex. I didn’t happen to notice my wife’s friend at the bar. She was in a far corner with her back to me. She saw me at my table with the lady’s hands in mine when she went to the bathroom.

I was quite inebriated and so was the woman I was with, so we left our cars in the lot and took a cab to her apartment. This other woman saw us get in the cab.

When my wife got back to town, this woman who saw us told her. My wife called her a liar to save face, but by the time she got home, she had accepted it as the truth. She wouldn’t let me lie my way out of it as she did once before. Being a second offence, she said she wasn’t willing to look the other way. Now she wants to leave me, but I love her. It’s just that once in a while, like most men I know, I need to taste something else.

— Very Sorry Husband, South End

Dear Very Sorry Husband: You’ll have to change your evil ways if you have any hope of keeping your wife. Long-term counselling needs to be involved — if your wife will even go for it.

It’s your way of thinking that gets you in trouble. You think you and your buddies are normal by getting married, making vows of fidelity and breaking them once in a while. Your wife doesn’t feel the same way, and the other wives of your friends probably don’t either.

Your drunkenness defence isn’t worth much either as you probably weren’t drunk when you made the date to meet this woman and cheat while your wife was out of town. That doesn’t sound drunk and impetuous; it sounds calculating.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father is a wealthy, pushy businessman and claims he’s concerned about my independent ways. Last week, he took me out for lunch at his club for a serious talk. Once he had three glasses of scotch in him, he had the audacity to hint at something akin to a merger that would involve me taking a look at one of his friend’s three sons for a possible partner. He wasn’t stupid enough to actually say the word marriage, but that’s exactly what he meant.

I almost tipped the table in his lap as I struggled to get up and run out of there as fast as I could. When I got home, I packed my clothes while my mother was screaming and crying. I went to a friend’s apartment and they took me in and said I could stay as long as I wanted. They were incensed, and I was still sobbing. I felt like a pawn in my father’s wealth-acquiring game.

He keeps calling, but I have blocked him and my mother, whose hand has played in this scheme as well. I found out she was involved from the beginning. I do have a career, and thank God it’s not working for my father or one of his cronies. Now, what should I do?

— Not Their Breeding Horse, Winnipeg

Dear Not Their Breeding Horse: Declare yourself independent, in all ways from now on, and hold that line. Your parents need sufficient learning time to realize you aren’t breaking under pressure, and you don’t want their money or manipulations. You have your own career (why were you still living at home, though?) and you will choose your own mate. Take back the car, if they provided it, and leave the keys in their mailbox. Then buy or lease one like everybody else who can afford it does.

If you still find the parental unit too strong, invasive and interfering in months to come, consider the geographic cure, which means moving to another city. Start looking for out-of-town job possibilities now, should you want or need them, and don’t tell people who will funnel information back to your parents who might try to interfere from another angle.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman for coffee after talking online and on the phone for a month, and she was nothing like her picture. There was not the vaguest resemblance, except for her hair colour. I was alarmed, and asked her about it right off.

She laughed it off, and said she had come in place of her friend. I said angrily that I didn’t know her, and she explained that I didn’t know the other person I was talking to either. She said her and her friends have a system where one married woman screens all potential dates and sends out the friend she thinks is most suited to each guy.

I blew a gasket! I felt like I had been sent a prostitute, even though there was no sex involved. I left, paid my bill and told her to pay her own. What a nasty little game made by a bored married woman and her single friends. I guess it’s fun to play with the hearts of sincere single guys like me. Now, I feel teased and even more lonely.

I want a different way to meet truly single women, one that’s honest. I’m a not a games player. I’m actually a really nice guy, pretty good-looking, but new in Winnipeg. I appeal to you to please help.

— Tired of the Games, Downtown

Dear Tired of the Games: Don’t give those women another moment of your time, energy or thought. They may in fact be a little ring of prostitutes, who knows? Just dismiss them from your mind.

Get proactive now and address the new-in-town problem several ways at once.

First, check out Meet Up Winnipeg for singles activities at meetup.com. While doing that, you might also join Adventures for Successful Singles for sports, arts and social activities, plus dinners and dances that carry on all summer. Spring activities for mixed slo-pitch baseball and cycling groups are gearing up now. Get more information at 204-775-3484 or adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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