Never tell wife new haircut makes her look like her dad

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This article was published 06/05/2018 (3073 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a man with three degrees and am Stone-Age stupid on this question: what are you supposed to do when your wife cuts her beautiful long hair off and you hate it, but she wants you to say you like it? I have always been turned on by her beautiful hair. She looked like a mermaid to me, until now.

For some unknown reason, she let some new hairdresser talk her into cutting her grey hair short, so now, she looks like her dad — all nose and ears. She kept asking me what I thought, and I told her I was in shock, even though I wanted to tell her I hated it.

— Up To My Neck and Sinking, St. Vital

Dear Up To My Neck and Sinking: Let’s turn it around. What would you want your wife to say to you if you let a hair stylist shave “Go Jets” on the back of your head, and your wife’s mouth fell open in dismay? You know she hates it, by the look on her face, and then she finally says she’s kind of in shock.

Isn’t that the least devastating of the answers that could be given? If she keeps pushing, you could say, “You’ll always look beautiful to me, but I have to admit I prefer your hair long and cascading like a mermaid.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a fine woman, but she just farts anywhere, at any time. It’s not funny. She doesn’t seem at all embarrassed. Also, she’s enjoys eating meat and likes spicy foods, and you know what that means. It takes your breath away. Dad and her split up and sometimes I wonder if her crudeness was part of it.

The other day, she asked me to go for lunch and shopping with her, and I said I wouldn’t because of how embarrassing it was the last time we went out together. None of the store employees wanted us trying on their clothes because of my mom’s behaviour.

We argued about it and I haven’t heard from her since, and she won’t take my calls. I’m not going to apologize. This needed to be said and my sisters are relieved somebody put their foot down. We are between 13 and 21 and mom embarrasses us all. But now what? — Motherless Child, Downtown

Dear Motherless Child: When families come to an impasse over issues such as this one, the point has been made, and people have said what they finally wanted to get out.

This is how some families handle the aftermath and reconnection: just show up at the house with baking or some treat when you know other people will be home and act as if nothing happened.

Your mom heard the message loud and clear and it will be much harder for her to continue. If she brings it up again, you will have to ask her if she has seen a doctor about her problem, since it could be a medical issue.

If she wants to get into the topic of how rude you were to say those things to her, change the subject or talk to someone else; just toss off the remark and give it no more importance.

Most parents know enough to accept the end of a bad discussion topic if there’s danger of losing contact with a grown child with an alternate living space. Your mom will be grateful you walked back through her door without her having to phone you and grovel.

Come with about six newsy topics to chat about and don’t stay overly long. You just need to a make this initial friendly overture, make nice and leave. Give your mom a hug and tell her you love her before you leave. (Just don’t squeeze her too hard!)

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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