Let the popcorn cool down before things heat up

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This article was published 05/05/2018 (3074 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is a devil. She took me to a movie we liked but not many other people would, so we were pretty much alone in the dark where we sat. She brought a tiny knife and an old popcorn holder with her and cut the bottom out. She plunked the popcorn box in my lap, but I wouldn’t let her go any further. I’ll let you guess what she was up to.

She sulked and said on the way home that I was no fun and she needed to find a boyfriend who had more guts. I told her she should find a boyfriend who’s willing to spend the night in jail with her! Now, we’re not talking.

I miss her and she might be the only girlfriend I can get for a long time because I’m pretty nerdy. It’s lonely at my apartment, even with my brother as a roommate. I don’t even know why she liked me. She’s kind of cute, but she’s a real handful. What should I do to get her back?

— Clueless Nerd, age 20, Winnipeg

Dear Clueless Nerd: Phone her and tell her you want to meet to negotiate. Pick her up and go somewhere to talk and eat. Going out to drink isn’t a smart move because nervousness encourages drunkenness.

Since she gets a thrill out of exhibitionist activity, tell her you would be glad to roleplay by making it a game at your place when no one’s around. (Tell your brother you need some time alone in your place, but put the lock chain on the door, so if he comes home early, at least he won’t be able to just walk in on you.)

Don’t take any chances at playing this game at her place, as she likes risk and might lie and tell you there’s no chance of being caught, even if there is.

Get a movie you would both enjoy, turn the lights down so it’s as dark as a theatre, pull out a popcorn box with no bottom, give her a big smile and ask her if she’s ready — because you are!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have two boyfriends: a romantic one I love who lives in the country and comes to visit every few weeks, and a pinch-hitter sex buddy, a well-known player in the Winnipeg bar scene. I don’t see him when my real boyfriend visits and, with the better weather, he has started coming into the city every weekend.

Lately, my buddy has started acting jealous. He used to love the easy week-night access and all the fun we had, but now he wants prime time. I told him to get himself a girlfriend, and he said I was his only girlfriend. I told him that was his problem because that wasn’t the deal we made. I don’t care how many girls he is with or what he does, but he said he was starting to have feelings for me. What should I do about him?

— Not In Love With Him, West End

Dear Not In Love With Him: Catch and release is the name of the sex-buddy game, not play intensely and punt. All people are emotional beings; even guys who think they’re players can fall for somebody. This guy has seen so much of you this long cold winter, his heart has become hooked. You don’t care about his heart, so apologize sincerely, and let him go back in the water and swim freely. Don’t see him anymore or he will think you are interested.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother can take my smile and turn it upside down in 10 seconds. She loves to break my happy moods and hurt me. Other than cutting her out of my life, I don’t know what to do. My husband would like nothing more than for me to break off close relations with my mom and spend time enjoying life with him. I usually visit my mom every day on my way home from work, do her dishes and make dinner for her.

My mom is in her 50s, retired and not handicapped, but if I don’t visit, she calls and asks me where I was and complains that she had to have KD for dinner. If I tell her about my busy day, she picks holes in everything.

She has no social life of her own since my dad died, and she can’t be bothered because she has me. “God knows that’s enough,” she says. She has an old dog and enjoys smoking cigarillos, drinking and gambling online. Her house stinks of cigar smoke and so do her clothes.

My husband has asked me to only see her every couple of days, or for us to move just outside the city because he’s growing extremely upset with the whole situation. There’s going to be hell to pay from my mom if I do that, but he was very serious when he mentioned moving.

— Slave Daughter, Winnipeg

Dear Slave Daughter: Your mother could live another 30 years, but your marriage may not last another 30 months if you keep this up. You promised in your wedding vows to make your husband first in your life. Your mom’s in good physical health and you don’t have to be her cook, it’s just your habit to serve her.

What about your guy, and making your home together great? What about having fun, going to places together, making love and cuddling in front of the TV?

Your husband didn’t expect a marriage where you go from work to your mother’s house, especially to a mother who puts you down and sucks the life out of you. At some point, you really have to make your husband first, and it’s right now. Your mother is jealous of your happiness and wants to ruin it. Don’t let her!

Consider this: she may actually not want to see you every day. She has certainly hinted at that with her comment about your cheerful daily visits being enough. Even if she does, people who are mentally and emotionally abusive often need to learn that negative behaviour will earn them the absence of people in their lives. If she’s miserable to you, don’t come back for a few days, and let her know as you go out the door why she won’t be seeing you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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