Cat relations far from purr-fect

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This article was published 11/05/2018 (3068 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found a funny-looking, half-grown male cat by the side of the road, looking rough and hungry and abandoned. I took him to the vet, got him all cleaned up and brought him home as a surprise for my wife and little kids.

The kids wanted him immediately, but my wife didn’t. She said the only way she’d agree to keep him is if the kids and I did all the work, including the litter box.

Oddly enough, this cat wants nothing to do with me — the guy who does most of the work of feeding and cleaning. My wife, who sits on her behind and does nothing with the cat, has him all over her, all the time. I know I’m acting like a big baby over this, but I’m jealous. How can I get that ungrateful ball of fur to like me better than her? Any tips from you and your readers would help.

— Unloved Cat Rescuer, St. Vital

Dear Unloved: This probably has nothing to do with you. This cat may have been abused and/or abandoned on the road by a big male human, with a man’s deep voice, and the cat is staying away from all men now to be safe.

Your kids have high, piping voices and your wife’s voice is higher than yours, too.

Try using a soft voice with the cat, the one you used when holding your babies a few years ago. Also, start bringing home cat treats. Try to be the only one who feeds him those and keep the open bag in your pocket so he can smell them on you. A soft voice and tasty tidbits could turn the tide in this relationship.

By the way: how do you know your wife doesn’t secretly feed and pet this kitty now that he’s so loving towards her? It’s hard not to love a creature who loves you and is so affectionate with you, so I’m thinking they may be secret pals now.

Also, cats fan around the legs of a person they’re trying to encourage to feed them again. It’s like they’re saying, “Hey sweet lady, this worked before!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was disappointed with your reply to the woman who rationalized that she “rescued” her man, whose wife at the time was struggling with addictions. A marriage relationship is challenging enough without a third person trying to convince someone that they’d be better off without their current spouse.

I would have liked to have seen you say to her “too bad, so sad. What makes you think you would be treated any better by a man who cheated on his wife?” I have no sympathy for her.

— Seen it Before, Winnipeg

Dear Seen it Before: If you’re cheering for the first wife — who used to have alcohol and shopping addictions, and had stopped having sex with her husband — it appears she’s winning the competition right now. I encouraged So Angry and Hurting (now Wife No. 2) to stop fighting for this guy she married after an affair, end the tug-of-war and let the ex-wife relax. Then, everyone will see if she returns to her former self and her old habits, or stays reformed and holds onto her husband the second time round.

If Wife No. 2 had not come along and grabbed this man, things would probably be just about the same or worse between him and Wife No. 1. The shock of the affair’s interference propelled the first wife to clean up her act. She also became more spiritual, which encourages forgiveness and love. Now, the husband is seemingly on his way back to talk with the first family. We’ll see what happens.

You’re just angry because a lot of the usual rules were broken.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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