The party’s over for secret lovers

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/05/2018 (3014 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! I have a hidden affair which is in danger of exposure if we’re not extremely careful this summer. My guy’s wife wears the pants in his family. She has a lot of money after two people in her close family died and left her inheritances.

Without consulting her easygoing husband, she went out and bought a house she liked on my beautiful street, and is moving in only a few doors away from me. What can my guy do but follow along? Confess he already has a woman on this street?

I don’t think she has a clue about me or that we’re going to be neighbours, but this effectively blocks me from having easy access to my lover. My neighbours are friends and have summer parties together and even invite the single or divorced people, like me. The new couple and their kids are sure to be invited.

I’m worrying certain people may have noticed his car parked down the block in the last year. How do we conduct ourselves now so we can be together? We are very close, and great lovers together, but he doesn’t want to break up his kids’ family and I don’t blame him. We’re about to be…

— Too Close For Safety, Winnipeg

Dear Too Close: Kiss those backyard parties goodbye, mademoiselle. You’re in much the same position as two lovers at work, who don’t want to be caught. The most dangerous thing you can do is be in the same room or backyard. People can sense the zing of attraction between two people who are enamoured with one another. I’m wondering how canny his wife might be. If she’s really clever, this house move could be a brilliant chess move on her part. You may want to move out of that neighbourhood you like so much. If you do, and she knows who you are to her husband, she’s nailed you again.

Let’s talk about you, the free bird: Why don’t you give up on this easygoing guy (and his family) and get yourself a man who’s truly available? If Mr. Easygoing loves you that much, he’ll free himself and chase you down. But, don’t count on it. He’s a guy who goes with the flow and doesn’t fight for things, and his wife runs his life, except for his bit of cheating on the side. Do you really want him full time?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Lately I’ve been having reruns of my high school girlfriend’s face in my brain when I wake up next to my current girlfriend. I roll over and there she is — the wrong face on the pillow. Not that she’s not a great lady, she just wasn’t my first choice. My first choice dumped me after Grade 12 graduation and went to another city and university, and got a great career. She sure didn’t need me. I always look at her Facebook page, even though she’s not a Facebook friend. I once sent her a friend request and she ignored it. Why am I suddenly plagued with dreams of her?

— Tortured By Dreams

Dear Tortured: Try this — write down all the things you liked about your former girlfriend and don’t ponder them first. Just try to fill a page, without being orderly, with words for all her attributes. Now, take another page and write down what you like about your present girlfriend.

Give it 24 hours to percolate. Next day, write down what you didn’t like about your high school girlfriend and what you don’t like so well about your present girlfriend. Which of those negatives might be erased now by maturity and which are ingrained character? Now, compare the two women. It may hit you right in the face what’s missing with your present lady. Or, you may notice that you’ve chosen a new girlfriend who’s a pale comparison to the first love of your life. You can learn a lot from this exercise.

If you’re still pining over the high school love, find out her marital status these days. If she’s free, get on the phone and give her a call at work. Although she didn’t want you watching her life as a Facebook friend, she may be tickled to hear your voice on the phone and want to chat. You can take it from there.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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