Cigarettes become hazardous to marriage

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This article was published 31/05/2019 (2642 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I asked my husband to stop smoking and he refused me, probably 20 times! I came home from my doctor, who told me I needed a smoke-free environment for my COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) breathing problem, which is getting steadily worse.

I then took my husband’s carton of cigarettes and broke them all up. He came home and saw them on the dining-room table and a note from my doctor saying I needed a totally smoke-free environment from now on. (I asked the doctor to write it.)

My husband went into a rage over his mangled cigarettes. Then he went upstairs and threw my clothes over the banister and came down and chucked them into the guest bedroom on the main floor. Then he wrote a sign that said “MEN’S SMOKING ROOM” and taped it on our master bedroom door, and slammed it shut.

We are not talking and may never speak again. Don’t ask me if I love him, because I’m so mad I don’t know.

— Needing Advice, Windsor Park 

Dear Needing: Breaking your husband’s cigarettes into bits was an aggressive act. No wonder your husband was so upset. You should apologize for that, which may help you make up sooner. Suggest your husband buy a reclining chair for the master bedroom, so he can also be sitting and watching TV or reading when he’s smoking. It can be his man cave.

If and when this fight blows over, ask him to visit your pleasure palace downstairs and make it into one with pillows and curtains and lighting. Lots of couples have their own bedrooms in the house, and meet to make love in each other’s bedrooms.

The good thing for you now? The bedrooms are on two floors of the house, so when your man’s smoking, you can be in your own bedroom or any other room of the house. Good luck and let me know how this goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a well-to-do older businessman. I paid for my young wife’s beautiful designer clothes, boots, purses, hairstyles and professional makeup and boob job. Then there were the cars (she liked convertibles) and the motorcycle. She wanted a big cabin at the lake — so I bought it for her — and riding lessons, and everything a wealthy woman could ever dream of.

She was born poor and lived a hard life dodging the law until I rescued her. I enjoyed lavishing expensive gifts on her and being her hero. She paid me back five years later by leaving me for a gambler. They took off in her (my!) latest convertible birthday gift, with all her beautiful things.

I know where they went. I don’t want her back — and she can go back to the “hostessing” business she was in. I just don’t want to get swindled any worse than necessary. I can’t get back the gifts and services I bought her, but I’m feeling very bitter about the amount of money she might get in the divorce. I’m having emotions I didn’t even know I could have. What do you suggest I do for my heart and my constant anger? I just know she and her gambler boyfriend will fritter my money away, laughing at me.

— No Fool Like an Old Fool, Winnipeg

Dear No Fool: Have you already been to the best divorce lawyer money can buy? Good. Now let’s look at mending your heart, the most important thing you own. To calm and level out the burning feelings you have in your chest, and to raise your mood again, make a big gift to yourself — and buy the best personal counselling you can and go for a number of months.

At the same time, lavish money on yourself this summer with a rented summer place to take friends, and a boat. Also arrange adventure trips (not romantic spots) for this fall and winter. In other words, get back into enjoying your life, and “fake it till you make it” as an active defence against falling into depression.

Next time out, don’t “rescue” someone, and make her your lover. My father once warned me “beware the survivor type” as they will stand on your head to get out of the hole.

Next time, pick a lady who is not in need and not impressed by your wealth, because she has had enough money of her own to live without problems. A person who looks at wealthy people with resentment and jealousy is more likely to feel entitled to swindle them, thinking, “They’re so rich they don’t need it anyway!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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