Seeking a safe human connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/01/2020 (2409 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have spent many years suffering from anxiety and depression and I was on anti-depressants for many years, though not now. I’m seeing a therapist and starting with an anxiety therapy group shortly.

I haven’t been officially tested for autism — the high-functioning variety — but a psychiatrist told me that he strongly suspected it, based on my behaviour over many years.

I’ve always been extremely shy and it’s hard for me to be in social settings — actually any new situation, period. When I was younger I was bullied and teased frequently. This has led me to avoid situations where I can be hurt. I have always had a lack of self-esteem.

I’ve dated in the past, but not for a long time. One of the concerns I have is that if I’m ever able to develop a relationship with a woman, she’ll think I’m a loser, because at the age of almost 60, I am still a virgin.

I know I could visit a professional woman in this field but I’m an old-fashioned type of guy. I couldn’t have sex with a woman without there being some sort of emotional or romantic connection.

From your experience in talking to women, are there many women out there who would find it interesting and maybe exciting being the first woman to have sex with a virgin, even someone my age?

If it happens, it couldn’t be just about my own pleasure as I am not that kind of guy. I’d try my very best to make it as pleasurable as I could for the woman because that’s also very important to me. But I know that often the first time you do something, you are not very good, but I would really try. Thanks.

— Hoping, Winnipeg

Dear Hoping: My column is certainly the place where we could find out how women feel about this. But I can’t match anyone up, for security reasons.

I also value your feelings, along with your safety. I wouldn’t want to match you up with a person who said she was willing, but who had bad motives.

I’ve heard that some psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors know women who specialize in different areas — such as providing sex for people who are handicapped, but these women do charge money.

In your case, it seems you’re looking for a possible relationship where the woman would truly care for you — and want to initiate you into the joys of sex.

I hope readers will join in this discussion if they have some real solutions for your situation, or they can write me privately — sending all letters to the address below the column.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my troublesome, loud, drunken young neighbours with their vehicles and motorcycles. My wife told me I had to put up or shut up, so I can stop complaining to her and driving my blood pressure up.

So yesterday, when she was not home, I wrote a note to the party boys next door saying I’d be building as high a fence as legally possible on my side of the property line as soon as we get to a real spring thaw, and this was their notice. Today my wife came home and found a “Go F Yourself!” note in the mailbox. How do I respond to that?

— Need An Answer Quick, Winnipeg

Dear Need: Don’t respond. Instead, find fence builders now, and book for spring. When the ground has thawed, and have them build your solid fence front and back and well within your property line.

Better still, buy a house elsewhere if you can, so you don’t raise your blood pressure just thinking about the yahoos next door, fenced off from you or not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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