Early bird, night owl can thrive together

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2020 (2404 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new bride awakens like a lark at 6 a.m. — a very loud lark. She wakes me up totally blasting her radio news and singing in the shower, and there’s no way I can get back to sleep until she slams out the door with a bang at 8 a.m., revving up the loud engine of her truck to go to work.

I have a business at home, and she didn’t move in with me until we got married — so there was no problem before. My natural wake-up and working time is 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Then I’d be happy to see her and spend the evening with her.

But she poops out soon after dinner and wants to be in bed at 9 p.m. with me for sexual entertainment — but with lights out by 9:30 p.m. Hey, I’m happy about the nightly sex part, but I’m a night owl and have to get up after that and be alone until 2 a.m. — my normal bedtime.

That is not newlywed-style living. It’s like living with an old lady, which she certainly is not at 28. Help!

— Lonely Night Owl, Brandon

Dear Annoyed: It’s pointless bickering about the different hours you two want to sleep and wake. But well-used weekends can set things right. You two need to start packing your weekends with entertainment and together-time out and at home — so much so that you actually feel a need for a REST from each other during the working week.

To keep the romance going, break up the five days you aren’t together much by stopping by her work and taking her out for a midweek lunch — when larks are wide awake and so are night owls.

It’s a good time to have big chats in cosy places nearby her workplace — a fun date every week. Two days later it’s the weekend and celebration time again!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my ex-boyfriend and he hates me. Every time we see each other across the bar, we are at each other with nasty remarks passed on by our mutual friends, who enjoy the war between us.

He has called me every name in the book and I have done the same to him — but not to his face. We don’t want to get kicked out of our favourite club. So, we pass our remarks quietly back and forth, any way we can. But then, last week he said something that really got to me: “I wouldn’t hate her so much if I hadn’t loved her so much.”

That remark just slayed me. I heard that and I immediately started crying, left my friends, and went home in a cab. I have been crying on and off for days. What does this mean? What should I do?

— Can’t Stop Crying, Downtown

Dear Can’t Stop Crying: You wouldn’t be crying so hard if you didn’t care deeply about what he said, in regard to loving you.

These second-hand insult competitions are just desperate ways to try to keep communicating with each other. It’s time you called him for a talk that is face-to-face, in private, with no liquor involved. Tell him it’s because of what he said about loving you in the past, that has had you crying since. Yes, admit it! Obviously he still cares and so do you, so there’s a basis for working this out and perhaps a reunion. It’s worth a try isn’t it?

It’s sad to see two people who care deeply chucking verbal hand grenades at each other when they really should be working on making a peace accord.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a manipulative gossip through my work and innocently fell into her net. She makes it seem to new people on the big staff that she’s their new best friend. Then she squeezes all kinds of personal information out of them to spread. Worse, she distorts things to make the stories juicier. In my case, it was about my past personal life, which is pretty tragic, but not as bad as she makes it out to be.

A decent older person on staff came and told me what she was saying about me and about what I’d been through to staff members — and I was deeply shocked. How can I deal with this? I don’t know if I can bear to stay here in this job, knowing my personal life has become big gossip around this new place.

— Embarrassed and Hurt, Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: Don’t quit your new job! Since you work in a large company, talk to a human resources person about the problem, as resolving conflict is part of their work description. But, do be careful to be very precise about what you have heard about yourself and what this office gossip has said, and what is actually fact. Don’t be like the gossipy woman who embroiders what she hears. Be absolutely truthful, and the “ring of truth” will hopefully be heard by the human resources counsellor, who will try to help you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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