Marriage demands honesty and trust

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This article was published 29/01/2020 (2403 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in big trouble. I went on a short trip, with a sex buddy, while my girlfriend was at a Caribbean beach resort for the week with her girlfriends.

We were not even in the same country, but we were both at beaches. My sex buddy is not even another woman, so I thought I had this well-covered. Unfortunately for me, my girlfriend found out the “dirty details” from a gay man she knows slightly (I don’t know him to see him) who spotted me and my male friend, dancing close at a gay nightclub. 

That made an explosive reunion when we all got back. My girlfriend says I’m a liar and a fraud and we’re finished, and she won’t talk to me anymore.

Her biggest problem is I didn’t tell her I was bisexual. What good would that have done? I’m in love with her and want to have a family with her! I just want to have a little fun once in a long while, with a male partner. 

Now she says I can have “all the fun I want” with male partners, but I won’t be seeing her body ever again! My dream of having her as my loving wife and mother of my children is in ruins and I’m broken-hearted.

Why was my trip such a big deal to her? I know her girlfriends are wild and meet guys on these trips and I was betting my girlfriend would, too. But, who cares about a one-night stand once in a while? I sure wouldn’t have cared if she discreetly did it. Please tell me this: How do I get her back now?

— Broken-Hearted, South Winnipeg

Dear Broken-Hearted: You won’t be getting her back, because you don’t appreciate the magnitude of the lies you told her.

First, you let her think you were straight, when you’re actively bisexual. Second, this male sex buddy friend didn’t “show up out-of-the- blue” on your trip. You know him, he knows you have a serious girlfriend, and the two of you were willing to book a trip behind her back. 

You tell yourself you “bet” she was having sex with another guy on the trip she took. Maybe or maybe not. She may have been saving her love (and sex) for you. 

But, a bigger problem than the cheating for her is the fact your sex buddy is (surprise!) a male. Bisexual husbands are a trial unless both marriage partners are bisexual and it’s an open marriage, no lies being told. Even then it’s a jealousy-producing situation. 

Married people with kids don’t need jealousy and strife. And, the kids don’t need an insecure home. The children are supposed to be the main focus, not the unstable marriage where their parents are secretly looking sideways at other possible sex partners.

It’s understandable YOU would like to have a great marriage to a woman and have kids — and a male side-piece too, but big things come with a big price. A marriage with children in the future requires stability, honesty and trust. No wonder this girlfriend is kissing you off, now the truth is finally out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I got into a Sunday morning kicking play fight under the covers which ended up with me falling out on the floor and spraining my ankle.

When I was getting my ankle examined and taped my girlfriend blabbed to the medical people about how she “beat me up and kicked me out of bed!” The nurse asked her to leave the room, and they questioned me to see if I were being physically abused. 

 I said, “Men can’t be abused by a woman!” and the nurse said, “Oh yes, they sure can. Are you sure this was just a play fight?” and I said, “Yes, 100 per cent,” and I rolled my eyes. “The only crime my girlfriend commits is exaggerating and shooting her mouth off anywhere she pleases.” 

I just thought people out there should be warned husband-beaters are the new thing on the radar.

— No Woman’s Beating Me, Transcona

Dear No Woman’s Beating Me: Husband-beating has been going on for years. I remember an old friend of mine telling me his father always criticized the eggs his wife fried him — finally, once too often. His little mom hit big Dad on the head with the hot frying pan while he sat with this back to her at the table — and he passed out on the floor. My friend thought his mom had killed his father, but his dad soon woke up. 

Over the years I have heard from readers of cases where a woman was physically abusing her male or female partner. So yes, it can and does happen, and it’s illegal — and medical people are on the alert for it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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