‘Country’ lawyer may not be best match

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This article was published 12/04/2020 (2335 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is a city guy, but he has dreams of being a country gentleman and of living on a small farm like his grandfather did, with lots of room for animals and whatever people to grow. Mind you, he’s a youngish lawyer, so I feel pretty safe it will never happen.

I want to marry this man, but I don’t want to be shovelling manure, watering horses and all that. Not ever. I’m an accountant and love my home life — in Winnipeg.

I thought the farm bit was a pipe dream of his, until he had a few too many drinks on his birthday and blurted out how much he had saved in less than a decade as a lawyer. I was shocked. It was a lot.

I’m serious about him as a possible husband and father of my children one day, but I definitely don’t want to be a “farmer’s wife” even if it’s just a hobby farm. I told him about my love of the city and all it has to offer last night, and he got very quiet. We made love, but it was serious and it was like he was searching my face for something. This morning, he left unusually early and went home to his apartment.

Panic! The lovemaking seemed suspiciously like a goodbye! I know I displeased him with my anti-farm declaration, but it was the truth. How can I get him to see the light? This is a city and we are both professionals. We are not farmers by any shot!

— City Born and Bred, South Winnipeg

Dear City Born: Searching your face may have been a prelude to a goodbye — a silent test of both your feelings. He may not want to set up a permanent situation with a woman who will not go along with his dream to live in the country. The man already has serious money behind it! No doubt he wants someone who joyfully shares that dream, and now it’s clear it’s not going to be you. Maybe that’s why he left so early in the morning.

How about you look for a new man who shares your love of the city? Admit to your differences with your hobby farmer love and back off without a big scene. The idea there’s just one true love for people is a myth, and you can look for a new nice guy (maybe a bit like him) who loves to live in the city.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a passionate girlfriend and I can handle it. Everything was going fine until she announced she thought she might be pregnant. I zoomed out, got her two pregnancy kits and had her do the tests when I was with her.

She was not pregnant. I didn’t know how she could be, as we use two kinds of protection, but it got me thinking. Did she maybe want to be pregnant by me, or at least get me shaken up and thinking seriously about what we’re doing?

She claims to love me. (I never say the L-word to anybody, because that means marriage to them). This whole situation doesn’t sit well with me! What should I do?

— Nervous Now, Downtown

Dear Nervous: Who knows if pregnancy was a true possibility, or if she was just trying to get your serious attention? Some young women think it “makes a player think” and afterward he will know what his feelings for her are. Generally it scares young men away.

If you were terrified and felt like running as you brought over the tests, you might want to have a talk and then distance yourself from her after this.

If you realize you do care a lot about this woman, and might want to end up married to her, with children coming later, talk to her vaguely. Chat about the importance of timing and not being forced, and the bad idea of getting pregnant ahead of the way things should play out. Let her know how much you care, but repeat that you don’t want a pregnancy!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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