Birth-dad dilemma calls for a bit of compassion

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about the 14-year-old girl (“So Curious”) whose birth father suddenly wants to meet her on her birthday. Her parents think she should wait until she’s “of age,” but I agree with you when you said she should be allowed to meet him sooner. I think she shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to meet her father!

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/06/2020 (2257 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about the 14-year-old girl (“So Curious”) whose birth father suddenly wants to meet her on her birthday. Her parents think she should wait until she’s “of age,” but I agree with you when you said she should be allowed to meet him sooner. I think she shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to meet her father!

However, I think it’s extremely selfish of the birth father wanting to meet on her birthday. She might dedicate her birthday to seeing him — instead of seeing friends or family — and she could have bad birthday memories for years to come!

If she really wants to meet him on her b-day, her parents should do what you suggested (be around, meet the birth father too and be prepared for tears, happy or sad, afterwards). I think she may need a trip out for dessert afterward to get over it!

If she’s upset for days or weeks after, there should be no saying “I told you so.” Just weather this situation with her.

It could be the meeting goes fine but is uninspiring, and she may not speak about him much afterward, so the family carries on even stronger than before.

This could be a “yield to win” strategy, which is often successful, especially when dealing with teenagers.

— Thinking About Her, Manitoba

 

Dear Thinking About Her: Thanks for your thoughtful letter. I have had many letters about meetings with birth parents, from people who are teenagers to those in their 50s or 60s. Whether it turns out to be good, bad or just plain awkward, it needs to be done, no matter if you’re just a little curious or really obsessing about it.

Some birth parents develop a relationship with the son or daughter they never knew, while for others it’s just a one-time visit with questions asked and answered.

Sometimes both birth parent and “child” have a long list of questions prepared, take photos together, and find out about relatives and medical concerns in the bloodline. But some do start up a real friendship that lasts. Almost always, the adoptive parents remain the ones who are loved most.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing about your comment to “Blowing This Out of Proportion?” about the girlfriend who was “nasty” to a dog that simply approached her. I don’t think her nastiness could also be directed towards small children, as you suggested.

I didn’t grow up with dogs or babies. We grew up with cats (low-maintenance, and I love them) but the first time I ever held a baby was when my wife delivered. Yet, I am a great dad!

We don’t have dogs around much and my kids are scared when a larger dog comes bounding towards them. When I see an unleashed dog approaching me, I have no idea how to react. Are they friendly? Are they threatening to my kids? I guess what I’m trying to say is that, to a certain extent, loving them both (babies and dogs) is a learned behaviour. Love your columns!

— Jeff, Winnipeg

 

Dear Jeff: We don’t know exactly what “nasty” thing this young woman said or did to the dog, but her boyfriend used that exact word, and was very upset and turned off. He wasn’t feeling nearly as loving towards her anymore.

I’m admittedly biased towards kind people who are anywhere from tolerant to loving towards cats, dogs, birds and other critters big and small. I think It’s good to learn how to interact with animals we will meet up with in this life. It’s also good to know how to interact with babies, as you know!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

History

Updated on Tuesday, June 16, 2020 8:19 AM CDT: Adds links

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Downtown outage caused by construction mishap: Bell MTS

Zoe Pierce 3 minute read Preview

Downtown outage caused by construction mishap: Bell MTS

Zoe Pierce 3 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 4:07 PM CDT

Some customers in downtown Winnipeg are experiencing a Bell MTS service interruption after telecommunications infrastructure was damaged Tuesday.

Bell MTS said on social media that a third-party construction crew accidentally cut a copper cable, causing the outage.

Contractors drilled through multiple underground ducts, causing significant damage to several cables and requiring extensive repairs.

A small number of buildings, mainly concentrated on Fort Street, Garry Street and York Avenue, may be experiencing landline or internet issues because of the damage, said Bell spokesperson Elise von Scheel.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 4:07 PM CDT

Man pleads guilty to shotgun slaying

Erik Pindera 4 minute read Preview

Man pleads guilty to shotgun slaying

Erik Pindera 4 minute read Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

A Winnipeg drug dealer has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in a March 2025 killing that saw the body of a 30-year-old man dumped in a garbage bin and dragged to a West End alleyway.

Frederick Francis Mathias Baker, who was 28 upon his arrest early last year, shot Bronson Emery Dale Kequahtooway once in the thigh with a sawed-off shotgun and left him with a fatal wound, Crown prosecutor Matt Armstrong told Court of King’s Bench Justice Brian Bowman on Wednesday.

A split second after Baker shot Kequahtooway in the thigh, the victim was shot in the head with a sawed-off .22 rifle. The man accused of being armed with the rifle, Eric Matthew Morrissette, remains before the court on a second-degree murder charge.

“Either wound would have been fatal on its own,” said Armstrong.

Read
Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

Don’t buy U.S. booze if, when it’s back on Liquor Mart shelves: Kinew

Chris Kitching 6 minute read Preview

Don’t buy U.S. booze if, when it’s back on Liquor Mart shelves: Kinew

Chris Kitching 6 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 5:22 PM CDT

Manitoba hasn’t agreed to put American liquor back on shelves despite Prime Minister Mark Carney’s request while his government finalizes a trade deal with the U.S. to avoid new tariffs.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 5:22 PM CDT

‘Frustrated’ Selkirk nurses plead for help

Morgan Modjeski 3 minute read Preview

‘Frustrated’ Selkirk nurses plead for help

Morgan Modjeski 3 minute read Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2026

The province must take immediate action to increase low staffing levels that are putting Selkirk emergency room nurses at risk, a letter sent to the premier and health minister says.

The letter, sent by the Manitoba Nurses Union and signed by 35 ER nurses, detailed multiple recent incidents at the Selkirk Regional Health Centre. In one case, a nurse was stabbed with a pen by a patient who had been waiting 24 hours for care. In another case, a nurse was bitten by a patient.

“Nurses in that emergency department are extremely frustrated,” said Manitoba Nurses Union president Darlene Jackson. “This is not something that happened in the last month — or overnight — these are problems that have been growing.”

The five-page letter was sent Tuesday to Premier Wab Kinew, Health Minister Uzoma Asagwara and leaders of the Interlake-Eastern Regional Health Authority. It contained 10 requests to improve safety inside the emergency department, including establishing safer nurse-to-patient staffing levels, eliminating the practice of “single physician coverage” in the emergency department and implementing an institutional safety officer around the clock.

Read
Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2026

ER wait times have hit all-time highs in Winnipeg and are impacting nearly all aspects of hospital operations

Tom Brodbeck 15 minute read Preview

ER wait times have hit all-time highs in Winnipeg and are impacting nearly all aspects of hospital operations

Tom Brodbeck 15 minute read 6:00 AM CDT

On most days at Health Sciences Centre’s adult emergency department, all 58 treatment beds are filled with sick patients. Another dozen or so brought in by ambulance line the hallways on stretchers, with only one nurse to look after them.

Out in the waiting room, about 30 or 40 people — sometimes more — are slouched in chairs in pain or discomfort, waiting hours to see a doctor. Most have been assessed by a triage nurse, but many will have to wait 10 to 20 hours to be examined by a physician because there’s no room for them in the treatment area.

Some patients leave because they can no longer tolerate the excruciating wait, only to return days later, sicker than they were before.

Welcome to the emergency department at Manitoba’s largest hospital, where some of the highest-acuity patients seek medical care but now face delays that were unimaginable a few years ago.

Read
6:00 AM CDT

Costco breaks ground on new West St. Paul store

Gabrielle Piché 4 minute read Preview

Costco breaks ground on new West St. Paul store

Gabrielle Piché 4 minute read Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026

Construction has begun on the American retailer's newest Manitoba location which developers expect will open in August 2027.

Read
Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026