Step up your style to encourage sexual healing

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2021 (2050 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is the best, and works two jobs to support us. I’ve been ill but am recovering and will be able to go back to work in the next few months. She says she doesn’t mind taking care of us financially but she is too tired to have sex with me anymore, even though we could now. My doctor told me this a month ago, but she’s not buying it. I worry she doesn’t respect me as a man anymore, though she still says she loves me. Please advise.

— Missing the Lovin,’ North Kildonan

Dear Missing: What has she seen you doing at home recently? Does she still connect you with lying in bed or on the sofa now? Are you wearing comfortable, lay-about clothing? That’d make sense, but you need to change your image back to a man she feels attracted to, and who is active enough and strong enough to make love, without her losing you.

You might ask your doctor to talk to both of you on the phone, and you should ask him if you two have the green light for lovemaking, and at what level of activity. Let your wife hear it from the doc. The last thing she wants to do is love you to death!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new year’s resolution was to stop seeing this girlfriend I have on the side.

My long-term girlfriend — I have been going with her for three years — is everything I should want. She’s educated, beautiful, easygoing and sexually willing, but only for very conservative stuff.

My girlfriend on the side isn’t as pretty or educated, but she’s much sexier, and funny and raunchy. We fight because I keep her a secret. And we have been fighting even more recently, because she has a new boyfriend now and I’ve become her dirty little secret. She pretends to her girlfriends that she doesn’t sneakily connect with me anymore. I love her and I’m so jealous I can’t sleep at night. What to do?

— All Torn Up, Grant Park

Dear Torn Up: You need to get free of the girlfriend you don’t love — the one who looks good on paper and is the “perfect match” for you. It’s better to break up with her now and quit living the lie. If you do, you may be able to try out the relationship with your undercover girlfriend in a big way. But hurry up — there’s really no time to lose on making these changes, as her new guy may be really exciting to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 21 and live at home — and I’m working on becoming a fat pig. I made a bunch of new year’s resolutions and I had already blown them two days later. I’m already back eating large bags of chips, drinking and wasting money online just like I did before.

On top of that, I’m mad at myself for again failing to keep any of my resolutions, like last year and the year before that, so I’m doing the bad things even more.

— 21 and Useless, Wolseley

Dear 21 and Useless: New year’s resolutions last longer and have a chance of working if you broaden them. “I’m not going to eat so many chips” works better than “I’ll never eat chips again.” That’s too hard (probably impossible) and bound to fail pretty quickly. Then you feel you might as well eat the whole bag and look for more, since you failed anyway.

Another tip is to eat a small cereal bowl at a time, slowly, savouring the taste. Most chip lovers gobble, and don’t taste anything but the salt. If you eat them more slowly you’ll get satisfied sooner, and not need to shovel down a whole bag.

Make a short list of positive resolutions. How about five new things you really want to learn to do? That could include new computer and board games you’ve never tried, and sports that don’t require teams. Then there are outdoor activities — the safest place to be with all that clean air — such as cross-country skiing, hiking, snowshoeing or even winter camping with a telescope to watch the stars. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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